I’m sick of the way this world is. I’m sick of insults being used as a joke, when in reality there is so much truth behind them (I’m guilty of doing this, as well as having been on the receiving end, it doesn’t feel great). I’m sick of seeing people being torn down by those they love and trust the most. I’m sick of everything being made into a political statement. I’m sick of people taking a stand for something they don’t know just to make waves. I’m sick of it.
I’m emotionally and mentally drained as I write this. I watch the kids I teach be torn down daily by their parents. Even 3 year olds are being beat down with words. It’s awful to see. The idea that if they mess up in any way, they’re no good. I see the shame they feel in their eyes. They should not have to deal with this. They should be carefree, they should be loving every second of life and living in a world of wonder and amazement, but they don’t. They live in the same world we do, the world where no one can be just ok, we have to be perfect. Today all I could do was watch as a child wept inconsolably because she had an accident. She felt like a failure. She knew ‘nana’ would be mad. She is not even 3. This makes my heart break.
When did love leave us? The purpose of relationship on this earth is to build one another up, to have a support system for when times get rough. Never should our relationships drain of us of our joy for life. Never should we feel afraid or feel shame to be with those who should be love to us. I’ve felt such a heaviness on my heart lately and it finally broke to the surface today. I broke down. I don’t see love in this world anymore. I don’t see compassion in this world anymore. I don’t see trust in this world anymore. We’ve become hard-hearted people. I don’t generally consider myself to be a pessimist so you’ll have to excuse me as this is all entirely pessimistic, but I’m so tired of it.
This world wasn’t created to be this way. It wasn’t made to make us sad. It wasn’t made to break us down. As I sit here I’m trying to think of something I said to lift someone up today, and I can’t think of a thing. I’m as guilty as everyone else for allowing myself to be made hard by the world. I hate that. I don’t want to be the reason for someone’s pain. I don’t want to contribute to the evil and sadness and downright awful world we live in anymore. I want to become a source of joy for people. I want to lift people up. I want to be the exception to the rule. And gosh darn it, if I can become that annoying peppy morning person I will.
I know I’m only one small blip on the map of the world, but I want to make a change. I want to bring love back to the forefront of this world.
Today I’m making a commitment:
Each day in 2013, I will try my best to not dwell on the negative and will focus only on the positive.
Each day I will do something to lift someone up, even if I’m having the worst day.
I’ll go ahead and send that silly text message because it can mean the world to someone. (I know, because I’ve been on the receiving side of those and they have changed my day more than some of you will ever know)
I want to start a revolution of love in this world. I don’t want to have tears in my eyes as I watch children filled with shame anymore.
I want to be a source of positivity.
I want to not be sick of what I see in this world anymore.
I want to make a change.
And for every negative Facebook post I write, you can all throw something at me. (You’ll be throwing things a lot at first, I’m sure)
And I expect you to hold me to this. If you see me growing hard, reel me back in. I need it.