Amanda Watches Football

I bet you guys have been sitting up at night wondering, ‘What is it like to watch sports with Amanda? I bet it’s incredibly insightful and she always has really intelligent things to say.’

Well you know what guys. It’s true. I do have lots of things to say while watching football. And just because I like you, I’m gonna go ahead and write down some of the more insightful things I say so it’s like you were here with me the whole time.

Ready? Well, then let our football journey commence…NOW:

“LET’S GO PENGUINS! LET’S GO!!” (Ok, so football hadn’t started yet. But the Penguins/Capitals hockey game appeared on the screen when the tv was turned on and who am I to turn off a hockey game?)

“You guys this game’s probably on because these teams are rivals!”

“Too bad Sidney Crosby’s not playing but his brain is broken.”

“That Ovechkin guy is missing a front tooth.”

“Guys! What if this goes into overtime? How can we watch football? NO! You can’t change the channel!”

“AAACK!” (someone almost scored)

“That one looks like a Bash Brother!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!” (the channel got changed to football)

Ok. Now to the Patriots and Ravens:

“Wow. This game almost for real started on time!”

“The Raven’s are wearing purple. What are they? Girls?”

“Chum almost blocked that punt. His last name is Chum. What in the world? Isn’t that what whales eat?”

“Go Patriots! Beat the Ravens, Beat the Ravens. BEAT THE RAVENS!” (I’m basically a really good cheerleader)

“Hey! Fix your shoulder pad guy!”

“That’s the second time they’ve done that those guys. They should stop doing it now.” (in reference to punting)

“You guys. Why aren’t there dancing robots on this channel? That’s stupid”

“Uh oh! Uh oh! Those ones are fighting!”

“RUUUUN!!!”

“Tom Brady. There is no sun. Your eye black is unnecessary. Did Gisele not tell you?”

“Mah ha! Ravens penalty!”

“Stupid Gronkowski!”

“I miss Tim Tebow!”

“Oh. I didn’t see the Patriots score……..WOOOO!!”

“No napping! This is football day!”

“What kind of a name is Flacco? And why’s he got that ridiculous mustache? I hope they lose solely because he looks like a dweeb.”

“Uh oh! Interception. TOM BRADY!! I don’t think those words he just said are appropriate for church.”

“Is Ray Rice related to Jerry Rice?….I SAID, IS RAY RICE RELATED TO JERRY RICE? Wait….First, is Jerry Rice black? Ok…then is Ray Rice related to him? Jerry Rice is a person right? Never mind. I’ll just Wikipedia it. Nope. Not related guys”

“Uh…why’s that guys fanny pack on his bum?”

“I wonder if Flacco and Chum hang out a lot and talk about their stupid names? Probably not though cause they’re on different teams huh?”

“MEH! Tom Brady! Helmet hair! HA!”

“I do a lot of fake field goals to score a touchdown on my iPhone game. I ALWAYS score. They should definitely do that in real life.”

“CBS is America’s most watched network but I don’t watch any shows on…oh I watch that. And that one too.”

“Ooop. You’ve redeemed yourself Gronkowski!”

“UUUMMMM. That guy pulled a helmet off the other guy!”

“YAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! TOM BRADY!!!!!!!!” (I only know quarterbacks. No matter who scores, I cheer for the quarterback)

“I’m a little bit scared of the one’s with tinted….AAH STEVEN TYLER…the ones with tinted face mask shields are creepy.”

“Umm all the people they just listed as being at the pro-bowl are no longer in the playoffs. Maybe they’re NOT that pro guys.”

“I can see that guys BELLY! FIX YOUR JERSEY!”

“He tries to squirt through? What in the world? WHO SAYS THAT? Who’s this announcer?”

“Oh guys. It’s Ray Rice’s birthday. They just said so. I still want him to lose, mainly cause he’s a Raven.”

“Why does Tom Brady have Beiber hair? His wife’s a model. She should definitely fix that you guys.”

*I got stuck in a deep Wikipedia vortex at this point and didn’t get out of it until the second half had already started. I’m really diligent at football you guys*

“Gronkowski is a GIANT. Not a New York Giant. That games later. He’s just really big looking.”

“You guys! I really hope they get into a hockey fight! That would be IMPEKKABLE! See what I did there? Pekka is a hockey player. Hockey fight being impekkable…ha…..ha. Leave me alone….don’t look at me.”

“Patriots carry muskets. Muskets kill ravens. Hello! Survival of the fittest.”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Just go for it. It’s only one yard! Just run fast you goons!”

“Some guy got an eye injury. Maybe he should wear a visor just like those one guys who look like they’re moms still pick out their clothes for them.”

“Pretty sure that guys ‘GET LOUD’ sign is only facing the field and not the crowd. The players probably won’t get loud. Maybe they will though. But mostly I don’t think they can even see that sign. Why do people take signs to games? That’s a weird tradition. Oh ya…football. Back to that.”

“The Ravens pants look WAY tighter than the Patriots. What is that about?”

“NO. NOT A TOUCHDOWN. NOT A TOUCHDOWN. NOT A TOUCHDOWN. NO!! DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME?? I SAID NOT A TOUCHDOWN. STUPID RAVENS!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT A TOUCHDOWN! YOU’RE ON MY LIST REFEREE!”

“I hate the Ravens.”

“OOOH! RUN TOM BRADY!!”

“AH POOP. Gronkowski is broken!”

“WOOOOOO!!! Tom BRADY!!…………SHUT UP ANNOUNCER! His knee wasn’t down! IT COUNTS. LEAVE IT ALONE YA BUMS! IT’S A TOUCHDOWN!………………AAAAAAH! YOU FLIP-FLOPPER!! STUPID REF.”

“I’m not sure if Tom Brady is flapping his arms for the Angels in the end-zone or because he thinks the crowd is too loud. Either way he looks precious.”

“Oh! He just intercepted that….I think? Ya ya, he did.”

“Pizza? Peyton Manning’s eating pizza on that commercial. I want pizza. You guys want pizza?”

“Wait! The Ravens re-intercepted the ball. That’s stupid. I hate the Ravens.”

“BOO RAVENS! TACKLE THAT GUY…AaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!!!!!”

“MMMMMMMMWHAT ARE YOU DOING GRONKOWSKI!!” (turns out I yell a lot towards the end of a game)

“NO BRADY! WE DON’T WIN GAMES WITH INCOMPLETE PASSES. ASK TEBOW. I’m sorry that was mean. Sorry Tim Tebow. I didn’t mean it. I still love and support your endeavors. If I ever meet Tim Tebow in real life I’ll have to apologize for that, like right away.”

“THIS GAME IS STUPID. STUPID STUPID RAVENS. STUPID!”

“Hahahaha That stupid Raven tackled himself! GOOD.”

“Icky! No overtime please!”

“TACKLE FLACCO! TACKLE FLACCO! TACKLE FLACCO!!”

“AAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PATRIOTS WIN! GO TOM BRADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“That Raven who missed that field goal probably is gonna go jump off a bridge now. So that’s kinda sad….but HA. SUPER glad they lost.”

There you have it guys. The most interesting things I said and/or thought in the last 3 1/2 hours while sitting on my couch. If you DVR’d that game go ahead and re-watch it while reading my commentary for the full multimedia experience. That’s what it’s like to watch a football game with Amanda. You can be sad that you’ve never experienced this in real life. Because it IS really pleasant.

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One comment on “Amanda Watches Football

  1. […] we had a couple weeks ago watching the Patriots and the Ravens play? (If you don’t remember go here to refresh your memory, if you do remember and didn’t enjoy it then I will […]

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