A Dog’s Day: As Told by Wallace T. Schnauzer III


6:30 a.m. : I’d like to get up now. Why is girl still sleeping? I will sniff her face….NOPE. She DID NOT like that. DOOR IS OPEN!! RUNNNN!!!!!

6:35 a.m. : Need to pee, need to pee, need to pee, need to pee….SMELLS LIKE SQUIRREL….FIND SQUIRREL, FIND SQUIRREL, FIND SQUIRREL….oh. need to pee, need to pee…this is nice spot to pe….SQUIRREL….CHASE SQUIRREL….SQUIRREL IN TREE. I will stare into tree until squirrel comes out……oh…need to pee…..peeing. TREAT. I GET TREAT. RUUUNNNNN!!

6:45 a.m. : I’d like to sleep now. GIRL CLOSED DOOR!!! HEY HEY HEY HEY!! OPEN THE DOOR!……..HEEEY. HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY! DOOR OPEN!! HEYHEYHEYHEYHEY! OH! OPEN DOOR. RUUUUN!!!

6:50 a.m. : Where should I lay….ON GIRLS LEGS!! YES!! GIRL KEEPS KICKING ME??? STOP GIRL! So relaxing in the middle of bed. Why does girl keep moving me? MY bed. GIRL IS A MONSTER. I let girl sleep here and girl is trying to move me? MUST VOMIT HERE LATER

8:45 a.m. : Aaaaah. Relaxing slumber. GIRL MOVED. MUST LICK FACE!!!! GIRL DID NOT LIKE THAT!!

9:15 a.m. : Girl is running? SHE WANT TO PLAY!! ATTACK!!! AAAH! Girl yelled at me? Sad! OOOOHHH TRASH!!! EAT THE TRASH!! Why did girl take trash away? MUST EAT GIRLS SOCKS LATER.

9:35 a.m. : Girl is in room with giant water dish. MUST GET IN THERE NOW. HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY!!! OPEN DOOR! RUUUUNN!!! TOILET PAPER ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EAT IT! OOOH. Clean clothes!!! MUST LAY ON THEM!!!

10:00 a.m. : Girl is eating yogurt!!! WANT TO LICK THE YOGURT!!!!! AAAAHHH!!!! LICK THE YOGURT!!!

10:15 a.m. : Girl left yogurt container!!! LICK IT NOW!!!!!! YUMYUMYUMYUM…UH OH. SPOON FELL IN FLOOR. RUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!

11:00 a.m. : NEED TO PEE. RING BELL. LOOK AT GIRL. RING BELL. LOOK AT GIRL. RING BELL. LOOK AT GIRL. DOOR OPEN? RUUUUNNNN!!! Squirrel? Squirrel? Squirrel? SQUIRREL!! Follow smell. Follow smell. Follow smell. Follow smell. PEEE. Follow smell. TREAT??? RUUUUNNN!!

11:10 a.m. : I do not like this treat. I will leave it here. NOO!!! OTHER DOG TRIED TO EAT TREAT! GRAB TREAT. RUUUNN!!

11:15 a.m. : Stare out window. Look for squirrel……………………………

11:45 a.m. :……………………………no squirrels. OOH GIRL HAS COMPUTER. MUST SIT ON GIRLS LAP.

11:50 a.m. : I hear rattling??? Food??? RUUUUN TO KITCHEN!!!!! No food???? Stare out window……………

11:58 a.m. : Other dog peed on girls bed. VINDICATION FOR KICKING THIS MORNING. MUST SNIFF PEE. I HEAR GIRL COMING!! RUUUUNNNNN OTHER DOG.

12:15 p.m. : Girl is eating lunch!!! MUST STARE AT GIRL!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT FEEDING ME GIRL???? MUST POOP SOMEWHERE IN GIRLS ROOM LATER.

12:30 p.m. : HEY! SCOOT OVER GIRL. Nap time……………

2:47 p.m. : ……………..AAAH. CAR OUTSIDE. MUST BARK AT IT.

3:00 p.m. : SQUEAKY TOY!! SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK. HERE GIRL!! Throw it. Throw it. Throw it. Throw it. AAAAAAAAAAH….RUN TO SQUEAKY TOY…….HERE GIRL. SQUEAKY TOY. THROW IT…………

3:30 p.m. : ……..Throw it. Throw it. Throw it. RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN. HERE GIRL. SQUEAKY TOY…SQUIRREL!!!! STARE AT IT!!! HEY SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL! SQUIRREL. LOOK AT ME!!!! LOOK AT ME SQUIRREL!!!!! HEY SQUIRREL….DID I HEAR FOOD??? RUUUUUUUUN TO KITCHEN.

3:30 and a 1/2 p.m. : NO FOOD. WINDOW!!!!! SQUIRREL??? SQUIRREL??? SQUIRREL???? No squirrel……sad

4:45 p.m. : GARAGE DOOR!!!!!!! RUUUUUN!!!!! JUMP ON HUMAN!!!!!!!!!! JUMP JUMP JUMP. GET AWAY OTHER DOG! GET OFF ME DOG. HEY GET OFF. JUMP JUMP JUMP…OH NEED TO PEE. Ring bell. Look at girl. Ring bell. Look at girl. Ring bell. Look at girl. DOOR IS OPEN. RUUUUUUUN.

4:50 p.m. : SQUIRREL. SQUIRREL. SQUIRREL. I’M OUTSIDE. SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL. WHERE ARE YOU??? oh. need to pee. need to pee. need to pee…..wait. need to poo. need to poo. need to poo. need to poo. POOPING! TREATS!!!! RUUNN!!!!

5:00 p.m. : Humans are eating??? MUST STARE!! HEYHEYHHEYHEYHEYHEY GIRL. HEY HEY HEY. CHICKEN!!!! yumyumyumyumyumyumyum heyheyheyheyheyheyhey girl more food!! heyheyhey BREAD. YUMYUMYUMYUM. HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY aaawwwww no more food? NAP TIME!!!

9:45 p.m. : YAWWNN!!!!! So rested. TENNIS BALL!!!!!! HEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEYHEY!!! Girl. THROW THIS!! AAAAH TENNIS BALL. RUUUN!!!!HERE GIRL HERE HERE HERE. TENNIS BALL!!!!!!!………

10:00 p.m. : …….TENNIS BALL. RUUUN!!!!HERE GIRL HERE HERE HERE. TENNIS BALL!!!!!!! heyheyheyheyheyheyheyheyhey TENNIS BA…..DOOR OPEN. RUUUUN

10:05 p.m. : need to pee. need to pee. need to pee. need to pee. need to pee. peeing. SQUIRREL????? SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL SQUIRREL. TREAT???  RUUUUUN!

10:15 p.m. : Bed time? OK. I WILL LAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED. SO TIRED….goodnight girl. Enjoy your tiny corner of bed.

Advertisements

One comment on “A Dog’s Day: As Told by Wallace T. Schnauzer III

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s