Making Friends is Easy as 1-2-3

Education is really, really important you guys. It will help us get great jobs. We’ll definitely get a much larger salary with a college degree, than without one. We will for sure use algebra all the time in our grown up life. At least that’s what our parents, teachers, principals, strangers, public service announcements, and Mr. Feeny’s have led us to believe.

A long, long, long, long, time ago I graduated from college. (or like 9 months ago) I decided to be a brilliant young adult and move to Nashville after I graduated. The goal was to get more education and work towards my Masters degree (because obviously after spending 15 years in school I wanted to spend 4 more years) I had no real plans for my life, but I thought “Meh, I can get a job anywhere, I have a college degree now. It’ll be totally easy! Then I’ll be able to pay for the Master’s program and then when I have a Master’s I’ll be able to get paid even more and I’ll be fabulously wealthy!” FALSE. Turns out I quit my steady job in Kansas to move to the land of excruciatingly high unemployment rates.

So needless to say, I was unable to begin a Master’s program and have successfully lived the life of a bum for the past 5 months. I’m getting really, really good at watching daytime T.V. and sending emails to Craigslist job postings. However, something miraculous has happened in the last week.

I have actually managed to obtain gainful employment. But being out of the workforce for 5 months I’m not sure if I know how to relate to people who are not my dog anymore. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m pretty sure I’ve come up with a fool-proof method to make friends at a new job.

Step 1: Be Outgoing
I think it’s best to go into a job with a bang. Now this isn’t really my personality type so it’s going to take a little work. I’ll probably start off with something like this,

“What up, yo?! You’re my supervisor? I’m here for my new job!! I really look forward to working together. Oh ya, by the way, my name’s Amanda. But don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll remember that because I’m really outgoing!”

First of all, I plan to shout all of these things. Shouting is the first sign of an outgoing nature. I expressed that I was looking forward to working. I would not have shared that fact out loud if I wasn’t outgoing. Then, I blatantly stated the fact that I was outgoing. I want to get the word out there. If my coworkers know I’m outgoing they’ll definitely want to talk to me a lot.

Step 2: Be Excited
I don’t want my new coworkers to think I resent having a new job. I definitely want to seem excited and happy to be working so I’ll probably say this to as many people as possible:

“Hi! I’m Amanda! I’m so excited to be working here! Do you love your job here? I’m really excited to get to know you! This is exciting that we get to work together! I’m so excited to have a job. I’m excited for us to become friends! How about you?”

I figure if I say I’m excited over and over there will be no doubt about my excitement in my job. Also I’ll definitely be well-respected if I enjoy my work and talk about how excited I am to be employed.

Step 3: Be Available for any Impromptu Hangout Sesh
This one will be the hardest step. In order to make friends I need to be willing to do whatever it takes to be around my coworkers whenever possible. I plan to eavesdrop a lot and invite myself to any and all weekend plans being made. For instance if I hear coworkers discussing an evening meal at Chili’s I will say this:

“Did you say Chili’s? I love that place! They have the BEST guacamole there! Are you guys going there? You are? Wow that’s awesome. What’s your favorite meal there? I love their burgers!! WHAT? Do I want to join you? Oh I’d hate to barge in, but SURE!!”

Do you see what I did there? I casually mentioned my love of Chili’s then continued the conversation until I got a dinner invite. So smooth. No one will ever see through that scheme. Never.

Won't be long now. Soon I'll be sharing ice cream with my 5 close friends!

See. Making friends is as easy as 1-2-3.

If I just follow these three easy steps I’m bound to make friends really fast. I’ll be the most popular girl at work before I know it! But I suppose there’s also a chance that I could come on too strong an alienate everyone before they even know me…..NAH! I’m just kidding. That’s not even possible!

Feel free to utilize these easy steps in your own lives and you’ll have TONS of friends just like I will!!

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4 comments on “Making Friends is Easy as 1-2-3

  1. Wow, I love your blog!! I literally laughed out loud. 😀

  2. If I do the opposite of this can I get read of some friends?

    • yeldaba says:

      Absolutely, you can!

      And while the above steps may help gain new friends and popularity, I might venture to say you could actually lose current friends simply by doing any of the things that I suggested.

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