5 More Mysteries in Life

It’s that wonderful time again. It’s time for another edition of things Amanda doesn’t understand. Let’s begin:

Groomed Eye Brows:
Who was the brilliant person who decided that women need to have nice looking, well-groomed eyebrows? Obviously, it had to be a man. Men ruin everything. They take nice things and ruin them. I imagine the conversation went something like this: “Dude! let’s pluck a bald patch in that guys uni while he’s passed out! Ha ha ha. It’ll be freaking hilarious! Ha ha ha…oh dude! That looks pretty cool with two separate eyebrows. He’d make a really hot girl now. Let’s get our girlfriends to pluck their eyebrows!” And that’s how it happened. A bunch of frat guys playing a prank and decided it looked better that way. If they hadn’t done that I could be walking around sporting bushes over my eyes all the time, but instead I have to pluck them. Stupid men.

Feather Hair Extensions:

I try to avoid anything Steven Tyler participates in

I’m probably just not cool enough to pull this look off and that’s why it’s a mystery to me. Are we putting feathers in our hair so we can relate better to the birds. I mean, I like birds as much as the next person, but I don’t want them in my hair. In fact I do my best to try and keep parts of nature out of my hair. What’s next, twig hair extensions, rubbing dirt into it for low lights? Maybe a maple leaf or two added for accent? We’re walking a fine line right now between fashion and being disgusting.

Snooki:
What is she? Is she an Oompa Loompa? Is she a Muppet? Is she a person? Why is she orange? Why does she say ‘Merp’ all the time? That’s not a real word. She must be a Muppet, because some of them don’t say real words. In fact she sort of resembles this one, if she had blonde hair: 

 Ya, I’m pretty sure she’s a Muppet. That mystery is now solved.

The Kardashian’s:
I’m not going to lie, I watch them on tv, but I don’t know why they come on my tv. Other than their father representing OJ Simpson in his trial and Kim doing immoral things I don’t know why we care about them. I wish I did, then I would have a reason for why I watch them all the time. But I don’t have a legitimate reason. I’m a part of the problem, giving them attention for doing absolutely nothing constructive in life.

Chocolate Covered Fruit:

Yucky

I’m probably alone in this one, but I don’t believe these two foods should mingle together. Fruit should be fruit and chocolate, chocolate. They’re both perfectly delightful on their own, why do we need to mix them and ruin them? I enjoy chocolate by itself, throw in a cherry and I’m over it. And those chocolate oranges, what the heck? Why would you do that? And while we’re on the topic of fruits mixed with other foods, what’s with that pineapple on pizza thing? That’s the worst. Let’s let fruit be fruit, chocolate be chocolate and pizza be pizza. Ok? Thanks.

There we have it. 5 things make zero sense to me at the moment. If anyone would care to explain the benefits and/or reason for the existence of any of the above, feel free. I like to learn new things.

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19 comments on “5 More Mysteries in Life

  1. I completely agree on all except the fruit. But the easy solution is you simply give me all your chocolate covered fruit and I will give you my plain fruit. Perfect.

  2. Carol says:

    I suspect the guy that started the plucking eyebrows for women is the same one that invented the mammogram machine. A sadist, if ever one existed.
    Feathers in hair – why? I agree with you, feathers are for birds.
    Snooki? Maybe to make those of us who live real lives and imbibe in alcoholic products on occasion only feel superior? I mean, she’s easy to feel superior to.
    Kardashians – well, they make for reading that requires no brain, and we all need no-brain activities sometimes.
    Chocolate on fruit? On strawberries and bananas it’s fine. Otherwise I’ll take my fruit as fruit and chocolate as chocolate, as you said. Although chocolate with peanuts and peanut butter is appealing. To me. Food for thought? Pun intended.

    • yeldaba says:

      I’m always a fan of a Reese’s peanut butter cup so I’m with you on that one.

      And your pun was adequately appreciated. I’m big fan of puns as well.

  3. kpchicken says:

    Speaking on behalf of all guys, I would like to take responsibility for all of the things that make women uncomfortable. We have a yearly convention in Las Vegas where we brainstorm different, new ways to torture you. High heels, waxing, eye brow plucking, stockings all came out of this conference.

    We’re currently debating over bringing corsets back. Stay tuned.

  4. Fruit/Meat combos gross me out. Fruit in a salad with meat? Arghhhh or pork and apple or pineapple. Just thinking about it makes me gag. Except bacon. I’ll eat bacon with anything. Bacon… *drooooool*

  5. Janice Muppet is contacting her lawyer as we speak.

    Dark chocolate and raspberries was a combination designed by God. For real. I’ll ask my pastor, but I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned in the Bible somewhere.

  6. jessseeker says:

    I’m with you, none of the above make any sense at all. May I add scatter cushions to the list? They are equally annoying and seemingly pointless 🙂

  7. M L Fuller says:

    I bet the French invented eyebrow plucking. I once went to a Mac store in France and the guy that helped me had the most perfectly groomed eyebrows I’d ever seen in my life. They were also gelled. Eyebrow gel. I bought some after that encounter…

  8. They’re hair extensions?! I thought they were earrings. x)

  9. Snooki a Muppet = hilarious! And you picked the perfect Muppet for her! LOL!

  10. savanahprose says:

    Well you knew that the Kardashian dad represented O.J. which was more than I ever knew about that family. I suspected she was famous because….oh wait. I had, and have no clue!

    As for Snooki – I am still investigating how she gets her hair to stay that way. I have it narrowed down to she quadruple stacked bump-its in her hair, or she is hiding a dead body for the mob. After all, she’s from Jersey, or lives in Jersey, or wears a jersey….something with Jerseys….

  11. I love your meanderings you always make me laugh…oh that poor poor ooommmmppppaaaa loooommmmpppaaa!!!! 🙂

  12. emmahevezi says:

    1- groomed eyebrows can look SO bad, one thing that i don’t understand is threaded eyebrows, i mean who decided that plucking something with string is a good idea?!
    2- the kardashians- who are they anyway? did they actually become famous for becoming so annoying?
    3- fruit and chocolate- absolutely agree, why ruin the fruit with the chocolate? i mean one amazing thing is ruined every time you try to make it more palatable…. a healthy snack dressed in a fatty substance that makes it nasty! WHAT
    4- that orange woman- she definitely is a muppets extra, although she may scare the other characters slightly…. maybe she was an oompa loompa who invented the chocolate coated fruit in her inability to be a good oompa loompa
    just saying
    keep smiling 🙂

  13. Heather Tiger says:

    Ahhh.. Needed this post full of laughs, so thanks! I totally agree with you on all issues but fruit. I’m totally in love with chocolate covered cherries, and I’ve already begged (demanded) my husband have an Edible Arrangement of chocolate covered fruit sent to the hospital in June when I bring his second son into the world. I also like Hawaiian pizza. Yep. I do! I respect others aversion to it though…just pass it on over!
    The whole feather extension thing drives me batty. I mean are we pea-cocking, literally? And the pink, purple, and other bright-hued feathers? Ugh.. You can’t brush them, have to be careful when washing them, and I think they probably increase your risk of being pooped on by overhead aviary. I know, I asked my hair stylist. She refuses to do them for clients, which I think is hilarious!

  14. toristunes says:

    Reblogged this on Tori's Tunes.

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