Dear Extreme Coupon Lady

Dear Extreme Coupon Lady,

Hi there! How’s it going? Looking for a few good steals eh? I can tell by that extreme couponing binder you have there.

While I admire your confidence in carrying that binder with you everywhere you go, I think there’s a good chance you are out of control. Generally people who have binders full of baseball card sleeves keep baseball cards in them (crazy, I know). They’re mostly for the important ones like the autographed Johnny Damon rookie, or the Barry Bonds pre-steroids. I can’t help but notice your binder has no baseball cards in it, in fact, it is full of coupons. I feel we can agree that this is a little weird. Sure, you’re really organized and those coupons are most likely in alphabetical order, but you are even too crazy for me. That’s saying something because some people might tell you that I’m real crazy in the head.

I’m sure it’s really important to you that you get the best deal you can on chicken of the sea and triscuit crackers, but your shopping cart is really in the way. When you stand in the middle of the aisle staring blankly at the canned beans, people do not think kindly of you. You’re not doing yourself any favors in the ‘crazy’ department when you do that. Maybe instead of abandoning your cart in the middle of the aisle you could, I don’t know, scoot it over to the side? See, I’m just trying to get to the yogurt. I’ve recently taken a liking to the Greek yogurt and I’d really like to try this pomegranate kind, but I can’t get there. Because of your cart.

I know you’re trying to save money and you really need to get to the bbq sauce, because if you buy 10 you can get 5 free, but really? Is it actually necessary? Are you really trying to save money? Or are you punking the whole population of the Publix market? You don’t really care that much about stopping to organize your coupons in the middle of the produce section, do you? You’re just trying to see how obnoxious you can be before someone shouts obscenities at you, aren’t you?

Am I actually on an episode of “What Would You Do?”? Where is John Quinones? Did I pass the test? I didn’t punch you like I wanted to. Nor did I steal your coupon binder while you were way over there looking at the packaged cookies. But I seem to have digressed a little from my original point.

You are a crazy coupon lady. Your binder gives you away. And while saving money is great and I’m sure you’re a big fan of Dave Ramsey, I have a simple request.

Stop. Stop being crazy. Stop carrying your binder with you everywhere. No one need 37 cans of tuna. Unless there is going to be a nuclear holocaust soon, but if that happens you’ll most likely be dead anyway, so no, you don’t need all that tuna. And stop abandoning your cart in the middle of aisles. Absolutely no one likes that. You’re ruining many people’s grocery shopping experiences. I go to the grocery store to enjoy myself and have a delightful afternoon*. When I have to avoid your cart matrix-style everything is ruined. I am no longer enjoying myself.

So stop being a nut and shop for groceries like the rest of us, who go up and down each aisle throwing things into the cart willy-nilly. You still get a bunch of stuff you don’t really need, but peachie rings are so much better than 5 bottles of ranch dressing.

All my best,
Amanda (aka the girl staring at you in horror and confusion)

*actually, I just go for the groceries

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3 comments on “Dear Extreme Coupon Lady

  1. emmahevezi says:

    ha! this is brilliant! we have women like this in the uk and they take their money off vouchers buying things that they definitely don’t or won’t need but they buy it all anyway because there is money off and that they will get something free or at a discounted rate. they fill up their cupboards with items which will keep for years and years but they have no intention of actually consuming it. we have 10 jars of mango chutney in my cupboard, the only person that eats it is my dad and you can’t realistically eat that much mango chutney!
    hope that you are smiling 🙂

  2. Crashed my cart into a binder-holding woman’s cart yesterday. I apologized and she handed me a coupon for a buck off my coffee creamer (she cart spied – you know the ones). I thanked her for the coupon. Maybe next time just bump into them and see if they share. 😉

  3. conquerer75 says:

    i saw one of those people in Wal-Mart, and she was randomly giving people coupons…..she had a binder FILLED with coupons…. 🙂

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