I’m Sorry, But Are You Singing A Song About A Pontoon?

Just yesterday I was driving to work, when suddenly the most unsettling thing happened to me.

I was minding my own business, listening to the top country hits of today on WSIX The Big 98, and then it happened. A catchy Little Big Town tune started playing. At least it seemed catchy. My head may have even begun to bop along and then the magical voices in the radio began to sing.

“Back this hitch up into the water 
Untie all the cables and rope 
Step onto the astro turf 
Get yourself a coozie 
Let’s go”

Pardon me? What hitch? I only know of one hitch and that’s a movie starring Will Smith and Kevin James. Is that what you’re talking about? It was a pretty terrible movie, so I hope not. And AstroTurf? Are we playing baseball at the Rogers Centre in Toronto? They have AstroTurf. (FYI, my computer says you are spelling astro turf wrong. It should look like this AstroTurf) Coozie? Did you really just use the phrase, “get yourself a coozie” in a song, that’s being played on the radio? What the heck am I listening to?

“Who said anything about skiin’? 
Floatin’ is all I wanna do 
You can climb the ladder 
Just don’t rock the boat while I barbecue”

Um. No one said anything about “skiin”, as you call it. We’re talking about a terrible movie about matchmaking and playing baseball in Canada. This is your song, shouldn’t you be aware of this? Idiot. And what are we floatin’ on? Turf? You can’t float on turf, it’s made of plastic. Also what ladder are you climbing? Are we floating in the air? Is this song about doing drugs?? Oh. You’re in a boat. Now it all makes sense? (nope)

“On the pontoon 
Makin’ waves and catchin’ rays up on the roof 
Jumpin’ out the back, don’t act like you don’t want to 
Party in slow motion 
Out here in the open 
Mmmmmmm…motorboatin’ “

Ok, so you’re on a pontoon. Which, since I’m clearly not as country as you, I looked up and it looks something like this: So needless to say I’m having a problem with the whole “catchin’ rays up on the roof” thing. There’s no roof here. I’m really starting to think this song is about drugs. Also if I jump out of the back are you going to stop “making waves”? I don’t want to be abandoned in the middle of the lake/ocean/river/wherever you are. Sure you’re partying in slow motion, but I’m not a real strong swimmer, I probably couldn’t catch up. Ummm….you’re ending the chorus with motorboatin’? That’s a bold choice there guys.

“(Who who who)”

I don’t know. I thought it was probably you guys, who were singing the song, but now I don’t know.

“Reach your hand down into the cooler 
Don’t drink it if the mountains aren’t blue 
Try to keep it steady as you recline on your black inner-tube”

Ok. So booze seems to be playing a role in this song. That definitely makes sense. Also did you get money from whatever beer company makes those cans with the mountains that turn blue? YOu should if you didn’t. But I’m confused. When did you get into a inner-tube? And is the cooler floating? Are you still…motorboatin’?

Makin’ waves and catchin’ rays up on the roof 
Jumpin’ out the back, don’t act like you don’t want to 
Party in slow motion 
Out here in the open 
Mmmmmm…motorboatin’ “

Yep. Still motorboatin’. Good to know.

“(Who who who) 
(Who who who)”

If you don’t know, I’m certain that I have no idea.

“5 mile an hour with aluminum side 
Wood panelin’ with a water slide 
Can’t beat the heat, so let’s take a ride”

Wait. Your pontoon has a water slide? And wood paneling. Hold on. Let me google.
Ok. Yep, those are a thing. You must have spent a fortune on your pontoon. And I take back my rude comment about not having a roof. This one clearly has a roof. I apologize for assuming you were an idiot.

“On the pontoon 
Makin’ waves and catchin’ rays up on the roof 
Jumpin’ out the back, don’t act like you don’t want to 
Party in slow motion 
I’m out here in the open 

So weird.

“On the pontoon 
(Who who who) 
On the pontoon 
(Who who who)”

Again, if you don’t know who’s on your pontoon, I’m sure I don’t. but you should probably not let strangers onto your pontoon.

“Back this hitch out into the water 
On the pontoon 
(Who who who) 
(Who who who)”

Aaaand, now we’re back to a terrible Kevin James movie. Kevin James. Kevin James. I said KEVIN JAMES!! (see what I did there?)

This was quite literally the most confusing 3 minutes and 40 seconds of my life. Are these rednecks? Are they country singers? Is this actually a country song? The song had nothing about heartbreak or dogs in it, so ya, not a country song. Who wrote this and who told Little Big Town it wold be a a good idea to sing this? Someone here in Nashville has dropped the ball and let this one through. I’m pretty upset about this and I’ll probably be sending a forcefully written letter to them soon to let them know my opinion on the stupidity of this song.*

So I’m just going to save you some time. Don’t buy this song on iTunes. You’ll just be left with a confused look on your face and $1.29 less than you had previously.

[Turns out they just premiered the video on people.com today. If I had seen the video first, so many of my questions could have been answered. Also that blonde lady has HUGE hair. So anyway, if you’re curious go here]


60 comments on “I’m Sorry, But Are You Singing A Song About A Pontoon?

  1. NativeTexan says:

    I love this song; my 17-year-old can’t stand it. Folks overthink it. I like the simple humor. Its sounds kind of retro to me, like something from the early 60’s. I’m curious about the word “coozie.” I thought an aluminum can insulator was called a “cozy.”

    • chip says:

      i agree the writer is making too much fuss over the words and over thinking it. I think its about a cheating husband or wife making love, its country music. Just look up motorboatin and the rest of the song signifies they are sneaking around. Who cares its an awesome song. Common sense! And after watching xfactor tonight I cant get the Damn song out of my head. LOL

  2. Oh I can’t help but to try to give an explanation for this awesome Summer Song! From a NC East Coast Country Girl…everything in that song makes perfect sense, right on down to the coozie. Let me break down this for you…
    1) Hitch (that would be the thingy on the back of a vehicle that enables you to pull a trailer…more specifically in this song a boat trailer) When you lower a boat down on the boat ramp your trailer hitch is pretty much emersed in the water.
    2) Coozie (COO-Z) is the most awesome drinking apparatus in the south, a little insulator for any canned or bottled beverage. And grabbing a coozie in a song just makes it easy for all the country folk to nod there head in agreement.
    3) No one says anythign about skiing but its almost an implied that when on a boat in the river/sound you will be water skiing. But this is a super chill relaxing day on the water so no skiing!
    4) Astroturf…that would be the (more than likely green) outdoor carpeting that is on the floor of the boat, reference to astroturf just makes it funny.
    5)Jumping off the back/front/side or roof of a pontoon, or any boat for that matter is almost a prerequisite for being on a floating water apparatus…its a given, you just jump off into the water (because around here we all grew up near the water and became part fish by spending so much time in it)
    6)The innertube- that is attached to the boat (by a rope) and you lay in the middle of it and are pulled by the boat…slow or fast its super fun…especially when you are able to jump the wake (the waves) that are created by the boat!
    7) WHO WHO WHO…is really HOO HOO HOO (google the lyrics) and the Hoo Hoo Hoo is just a feel good expression for being on a boat in the water with friends, drinking beer, soaking up the sun and enjoying the summer time. Trust me you will know WHO is on YOUR boat!
    My heart seriously breaks for those who have never had this experience and are confused by this song…because this simplistic and what you portray as an idiotic song is so much more than that…its the absolute BEST of country living!
    I just attended a concert where this song was sung…and you would be amazed at the exicitment of a huge crowd because of the way they could relate to this song!
    My advice is for you to find someone with a boat and experience one of the most awesome gifts from God…THE WATER!

  3. yeldaba says:

    In my defense I grew up in Kansas. We don’t have boats in Kansas. We don’t even have water. Mostly just wheat and soybeans. Plus if I actually went on a boat, I would most likely drown.

    Also this post was written in jest. It’s not everyday you hear a song about a pontoon, that’s all. And if I could write a song about a boat that earned me as much as I’m sure this song has earned Little Big Town, I would write songs about pontoons all the freaking time.

    • Angela says:

      I grew up in Kansas. On a Pontoon boat, which my family took to the lake every summer.

      Don’t blame Kansas. 😛

    • kaity says:

      then you can take a little trip, babe. they are called life vests, take one. and just enjoy the song. you went over the whole fuss for nothing, sit down and get your brain out of the little tizzy you put it in.

  4. Dan says:

    Well I had a nice paragraph written and then i looked up and saw that tiffany brothers sanders had already said almost word for word what I had written. I would like to add and ask though, how is motorboating weird? Its a pretty common term throughout the united states, just saying. I dont know your life, but if drugs are a factor at all here its with you, and you need some help. Get out and learn some new things, and if its absolutly impossible for you to experiance motorboating, then dont knock it until you have done it!!! I do hope you write a letter however, because IF it dosent just get thrown away, they are going to get a good laugh out of it and maybe even make a song about it, maybe “pontoon explained”. Have a great day.

    • yeldaba says:

      Thanks for your helpful and extremely kind response. I’m sorry that you were unable to see the fact that this post was written and categorized in ‘humor’. I’m also sorry that you apparently didn’t see my response to the above mentioned comment. Perhaps you’ve spent too much time ‘motorboatin’ and it caused eyesight problems.

  5. Your Mom says:

    Oh, this was supposed to be funny? Hmm.

    • yeldaba says:

      You know what’s really funny? When I read something on the Internet that I don’t particularly enjoy, I just find something else to read instead of leaving pointless comments. Hysterical!

  6. […] Several weeks ago I posted a blog sharing my, somewhat sarcastic, thoughts on the Little Big Town hit, ‘Pontoon’. (If you promise not to verbally harass me, you can view it here.) […]

  7. Sheila says:

    When I first heard this song, I loved it. We are boating people and go to the river every Sunday. The pontoon sung about is the older pontoons and the lyrics are just humorous and catchy. No DRUGS i’m sure were involved and it is just a good SUMMER song. My 1 1/2 year old granddaugther dances to it as we are hysterically laughing. Why do people read so much into a song. This is light and fun for summer. Just sayin’.

  8. Sheila says:

    By the way, Tiffany Brothers Sanders explained it very well.
    Good job!

    • kaity says:

      just cause y’all don’t like it don’t mean others don’t. grow up.. seriously, 13 year olds act more than all y’all sometimes: i should know…

  9. Sarah says:

    THANK YOU! Finally some one has written the truth about this GOD AWFUL song. I HATE IT! And they play it at least five times during my shift. Ugh. I wish they would take this hillbilly tribute song off the radio.

  10. kallaijcunningham says:

    I enjoyed your humor and I particularly noticed it was categorized humor. Thank you for your “read” into the song! I will second your motion on noticing that my head was bobbing regardless of my personal thoughts of the song.

  11. I’m sorry but anyone who doesn’t know what a HITCH and a PONTOON BOAT are, should never write a review on a song and call the person singing it an idiot…lol…I cannot believe you had to look up Pontoon boat on google LMFAO! but it was a funny review! Personally i LOVE pontoon boats so this song makes me what to go out on the lake every time i hear it! You should definitely find a friend with a hitch on their truck to attach the trailer with a pontoon boat on it and go hit the lake! its a good time!

    • yeldaba says:

      A few things.

      1. I know what a hitch is.
      2. I also know what a pontoon is.
      3. I did not realize that through this post I became a song reviewer.
      4. I apparently am not as hilarious as I thought, as no one seems to grasp that I don’t actually misunderstand the song as much as I just don’t find it pleasurable and I was merely just writing this to entertain myself.

      • kaity says:

        @yeldaba, sweetheart, if your are gonna post somthin’ like this on the internet, i suggest you make it clearer to the readers..

  12. Tiffany Sanders says:

    I definitely picked up on your sarcasim and just wanted to give you a perspective of why a country girl (NOT redneck) would appreciate it more. I wasn’t trying to insult you with my post, I just saw it as an opportunity to express how some people can fall in love with it (I can’t imagine someone who hasn’t experience all that would quite understand the same way.)
    Even I who love the song can honestly say its beyond over played…I actually did find your post comical because it was so saturated with sarcasim it wasn’t that hard to pick up on! 🙂

  13. Erin says:

    Great Blog! This song is so stupid. Let me say, I am from the same area of Georiga as one of ladies in this band. I know what they are talking about, I’ve spent days on the lake, but that does not make this song appealing to me! “mmmmmm…..motorboatin”….really! That’s just nasty (google motorboatin’ people). If anyone wants to hear actual good country music from Georiga, we have Zac Brown, Brantley Gilbert, Jason Aldean (note of interest, Brantley wrote and previously released much better versions of some of the songs Aldean did covers of).

  14. Stien says:

    So Funny! I can not stand this song. It is so annoying when I am driving along, and suddenly catch the tune mmmmmmmmmm….motorboatin, coming out of my mouth. I usually turn the station after scolding myself at that point. I thought your post was hilarious!

  15. chip says:

    You are making to much fuss over the words and over thinking. I think its about a cheating husband or wife making love. Just look up motorboatin and the rest of the song signifies they are sneaking around. Who cares its an awesome song. Common sense!

    • Jane says:

      In my personal oppinion you sound like an idiot and it also sounds like you have way to much time on your hands if your worring about something that made them millions I mean hell you listened to it long enough to learn the lyrics, so you don’t like it that bad so grow up really use some common sense

      • yeldaba says:

        You’re right. I do have way too much time on my hands. It’s weird because my favorite thing to do is sit up at night memorizing lyrics to my least favorite songs just so I can write really serious blog entries about them so people like you can read them and let me know how ridiculous I am. I’m also kind of stupid because I could just google the lyrics rather than memorize them, but since i have so much free time why would I do that? So, so, so, silly of me. I do lack common sense don’t I???? LOL Thank you for pointing this out to me. I’m going to go make some really serious life changes now.

  16. Nathan says:

    I like this song. I believe nothing wrong with the song at all. However hitch means the thing you tow the boat in not the movie

  17. Liz says:

    I know I’m a little late on commenting, but I just heard this song for the first time today. I’ve never been on a pontoon, but every time I hear the term, I think of a spittoon… just saying…

  18. I’m not trying to be rude here…but nothing about this song is confusing. Lol wow. I’m just in shock at all that stuff you wrote. I’m sorry….but this was pretty dumb, and the whole time I was reading it…all I could do was raise my eyebrows. Obviously most people in the world would understand that every single line of this song is 100% literal. This song is seriously amazing for the 99.9% of Americans that understand it lol. I mist….I don’t even know what to say to this:P Again…not trying to be rude…just don’t understand how you misinterpreted the whole song….down to the “who who who” part XD

  19. Saw that you were just kidding, I was so tired I looked right past it XD That’s what happens when you’re running on 2 hours of sleep(: I was wondering how anyone could purposely interpret this song that way……(:

  20. Jimmy Brooks says:

    Ok. All I can say to the long rambling of an obvious idiot is…. If you don’t know what a pontoon is and why it has AstroTurf then you have no business even listening to country music. People enjoy country music for what it is and to analyze it down to the spelling or the use of words you are unfamiliar with, then again, you have no business even listening to it.
    I don’t use the word “Retard” buy in this case I will make an exception because for someone to rant about a great song, as you just have, is nothing more than a moronic attempt to sound smart. (Epic fail on your part). Retard.

  21. Evan Chuley says:

    One of the most inane ‘songs’ in years. For it to win a grammy is an indictment of country music fans. Simpletons. It isn’t even country music. It is hip hop. Totally worthless. I can’t fathom the number of brain-dead fans that bought this POS to make it a hit! The beat sucks. The ‘melody’ is non-existent. We can’t even classify the words as lyrics.
    And the funniest thing? All the morons here explaining the ‘lyrics.’ Like it is some mysterious, cleverly written piece of literature. That in itself should be enough to demonstrate the cluelessness of the fans of this ‘song.’
    One man’s trash…

    • kaity says:

      just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean its a good song. oh wait, like you would listen, because your above me. yea right! we aren’t explaining the lyrics, we are simply trying to help clueless city people like you so you can go on sayin ‘oh yea, im such a cowboy/cowgirl! i love all the country singers!’ oh yea, country huh? Who’s George straight? Some girl at my school says she’s country but she only knows Luke Bryan cause he’s hot: and gets every thing country wrong, she said “us country girls from the north are all made fun of, just because them sophisticated people from the south thing they are better.” can i just say ass backwards, sweetie. George is the king of country. All country songs/people aren’t like that Country Boy Song or whatever by earl nibble Jr or whatever his name is. We are the ones who actually work and raise our own food instead of buying processed and chemically sprayed store-bought food. I hate Metal and all that type of music but you don’t see me bashing every thing they stand for, do you? nope.

  22. kaity says:

    im sorry. If you don’t know what something is, then you can not be stupid and just stick to city folk music, and leave the country to us.. a hitch is the little thing on the back of a truck you pull things with honey. and a turf is also a figure of speech, sunshine. Like, “this is our turf” would mean its there area; if you don’t like the music get off the station.

    • kaity says:

      Also, some pontoons have a top layer and a slide.. if you watch the music vid it explains a lot.

      • kaity says:

        and, (the more i read, the more i find stupid thing u say) they never said anything about floatin on a turf, you should really PAY ATTENTION to the lyrics instead of memorizing them.

      • kaity says:

        again, not all country songs have dogs or love lyrics. go sit down, your the one on drugs. just don’t. no, don’t. sit down, exit the site, and go to you tube.

    • yeldaba says:

      You seem fun! I will leave the country music to you, in fact, I’m feeling generous today, you can have all of it. But what is “city folk” music? Am I only allowed to listen to Eminem now? I think he’s from a city. Detroit to be specific. Or U2? They’re also from a city. Although I’m not sure how large it is, it might just be a town, I better stay away from them just in case.

      I very much want to “not be stupid”, so I want to be sure I’m listening to the right kind of music, from this point on.

  23. Elliottheclear says:

    I wrote this stupid song called pontoon. I heard it on the Radio 9 months after I wrote and sang to my friends here on the CA dental coast. The words are not all correct, but the title and melody are. I never wrote to anyone about it. I did not know how this could be, but one of my friends said to me that day when I sang it “it’s a hit”. And he said if your not going to do nothing with it I will. He must have sang it to someone or sold it to someone.
    I will tell you the real meaning and how the song came about. I always go to my friends house along See canyon road they live on a vineyard it’s nice. The boys and I sometimes have a couple of beers on the patio etc and sometimes they use bad words and shout out to my friends mom that it was me and always get me in trouble. The word in particular was pussy.
    So I made up the replacement word “pontoon”. And it was working, because one day my friends mom came down the hallway and said “are you guys going pontooning, because if you are I want to go”. I said to my friend “see it’s working” and we laughed. Three months later while throwing the word pontoon around a lot. I came up with the song. It’s really about girl chasing. It’s my song. What’s even funnier is I faked a country accent when I was singing it, because my friend was country. I wrote it and I’ll never not say I did not. I should be getting 2 1/2 cents for each sale. Instead I was robbed.

  24. doug says:

    This song is about a sexual act called motor boating. The rest is there as a cover up. I think mosy guys will recognize this.

  25. Keanu says:

    Holy crap. Get a hobby. Go get a college degree. Volunteer all your spare time. Please, do something that gives back to the community.

    But man, y’all got WAY too much time on your hands.

  26. Mjk says:

    Your a dumbass. A fucking a hich is the ball of the fucking back. Stupid bitch

    • yeldaba says:

      I think the second part of your first sentence may have accidentally been deleted. My a dumbass is innocent in this matter. Also as a sidenote, I don’t believe that a hich is a thing that exists.

      • Aaron says:

        Hey there, came across this and as a screenwriter for TV and Film I immediately picked up in the sarcasm, this post is hilarious, it’s funny, I know you’re not intentionally degrading the song. It’s good, here are some notes though, even as sarcastic as it is, don’t write and assume they’re idiots, people don’t like that, calling people stupid and idiots only works if you know for a fact that they’re stupid and idiots, for example Kim Kardashian, personally I don’t think she’s stupid or an idiot, but try telling that to rest of the world, but you can play around with her in that category because she does seem that way, there are occasions on her show where she’s ditzy and lost in the sauce, like Jessica Simpsons Tuna/Chicken comment. Also calling four hot people rednecks, clearly they’re not red necks, they’re hot and gorgeous people, you’re from Kansas you know what a redneck is. This is just a writers tip, whatever you say could and can be taken out of context and clearly that’s what was done here. This is humor, sometimes it provokes, but it’s one wrong if everyone hates it, time to think about what you write. If you want to do comedy it’s gotta be done right. But I thought it was funny. Very sarcastic, a little bit of tweaking is all it needs.

    • Ashes says:

      *you’re *hitch (ball of the back? Really? That’s your description of it?) Please, if you’re (because I can use it correctly, unlike yourself,) going to insult someone, try to at least pretend to have some intelligence. Simple grammar. Did you get you some learnin of that?

  27. You says:

    Carry a small plant wherever you go. Clearly you’re stealing oxygen from the rest of us.

  28. You Are dumb says:

    Carry a small plant. You are clearly still in oxygen from the rest of us

  29. Becky says:

    Wow…. Use your imagination.

  30. Becky says:

    pontoon boat on river and enjoying ……. but songs are always relates to sex. LMAO. Motorboatin…… Hum. Lol.

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