Voice Immodulation Disorder: The More You Know

I know that normally this blog is a place full of joy and happiness and maybe even the occasional poo joke. Typically we discuss humorous current events and my (self-proclaimed) hilarious take on life in general. But today we are going in a much different direction. Today this blog will take a turn towards the serious side of life.

I’d like to take this time to talk to you about a disease that is plaguing our nation. Millions are suffering from this horrible plague, in fact, you might be one of the victims and not even know it. Last year alone 98% of children under the age of 3 were diagnosed.

The disease I’m talking about is Voice Immodulation Disorder, otherwise known as ‘loud talkers’.

Perhaps you or someone you know is suffering from Voice Immodulation Disorder, or VID. I am here to tell you, you are not alone. And maybe you’re thinking, “Amanda, I don’t know anyone who suffers from VID. But I also don’t know much about it? How will I know? What are the symptoms? What if have it? Where can I get more information?” You are in luck, my friend, because I am the a VID advocate, in fact I’m the only one that exists.

The symptoms of VID are very easy to spot. When you are speaking to a person you suspect suffers from VID pay very close attention to these 4 things:

  • the register of the voice
  • the volume of the voice
  • the level of cringing on the faces of those around you
  • if your ears are bleeding

If the person you are conversing with has an incredibly low register voice but also speaks very loudly, chance are they are a VID victim. If those around you look as though they are at a rock concert and can no longer distinguish the different vowel sounds, that’s another red flag. And if your ears are bleeding, well, you’ve just spent way too much time with someone who suffers from VID.

A sufferer of VID doesn’t know they have it. They will continue talking incredibly loudly while unaware that they are doing so. Even if you point out the loudness of their voice, they will not be able to change a thing. They can’t help it, they just talk loud. And unfortunately, if you cannot think of someone who suffers, you are the ‘loud-talker’, as 1 out of 4 people suffer.

And here we see Saturday Night Live, and Will Ferrel make a mockery of this ailment, but I’m here to tell you, this is not a joke.

There is help for those suffering and those who live with someone suffering with VID. Simply call 1-800-LOU-DNESS and you will be immediately assigned to a VID counselor who can help you with your problems. Perhaps your spouse suffers from VID, we can fit you for custom-made ear plugs. Maybe you’re the one suffering, we can also provide you with a small handheld pillow to talk into, so that your voice is muffled to a normal speaking decibel.

Don’t stay a silent sufferer, and don’t be made a victim. (You can’t be a silent sufferer if you’re a loud talker. Bah. Jokes.) Voice Immodulation Disorder is serious and we are here to help, because, quite frankly, my ears can’t handle it anymore.





Editors Note: I’m really glad no one has called me out on my 8 digit phone number up there. Sometimes I don’t pay attention to the small details. What are ya gonna do?

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