It’s hot. I will not argue with anyone about this. The air is hot, the ground is hot. I’m pretty sure even swimming pools are hot.
I’ve noticed however, that people aren’t sure what to do with themselves when it’s hot. There are really two schools of thought in dealing with this delightful heat wave. First you can do as I do, and hunker down in the air condition only leaving the house for life-sustaining sustenance, or you can do everything you normally do, but with less clothes on.
I currently live in Nashville. They love their crusted foods around here especially if it is fried and/or topped with bacon. So, needless to say, the people around here are not, dare I say it, delicate little creatures. I have seen things that I never want to see again, things that are burned into my memory and will haunt my dreams forever. It’s as if some people just don’t care, which I guess that’s not bad, having your own mind, but sometimes, sometimes they should care.
And that is where I come in. I have created Amanda’s Top 10 Rules For Surviving a Heat Wave
1. If your back/front is hairier than your head, always, and I do mean ALWAYS, wear a shirt.
2. Along those same lines, if you can’t pull your pants up over your belly, you know, wear a shirt.
3. If your shorts resemble a pair of underpants, don’t wear them on the outside. Maybe just let them remain as they are, underpants.
4. A swimming suit is not proper outerwear, even for Walmart. Grab a t shirt and some shorts, throw them on. Voi-la. Proper attire.
5. Whiskey will not help you stay away from dehydration. Stopping from mown your lawn to have a smoke and a drink is probably the worst idea.
6. If you’re wearing jean shorts, maybe stay away from the knee-high black leather boots, ya?
7. Once you’ve completely soaked a t, feel free to change into a dry one. No one will be mad.
8. Confederate flag bikinis have never been and will never be, in fashion.
9. Socks with sandals? Really? It’s warm enough for sandals, what’s with the socks? Maybe use some common sense.
10. If your toes point in different directions or your toenails are more than 1 mm. thick, stick to closed-toed shoes. (This one may mostly be personal preference. I hate feet. So much.)
So there you go guys. Follow these rules and we can make it through this. And we won’t even need a puke bucket.
- Heat wave bakes eastern half of the US but is climate change to blame? (bfreenews.com)
- Heatwave brings death and misery to US states (nzherald.co.nz)