Amanda’s Guide to Playoff Hockey

I talk about hockey a lot, it’s kind of my thing. But let’s be real, I don’t have a lot going for me right now, so pretty much the NHL Playoffs are all I have. It’s cool though guys. Don’t worry about me. I’m not a sad sack or anything.*

But it also occurs to me that most people do not care nearly as much as I do. But I’d like everyone to because then I wouldn’t be alone in my excitement. So in an effort to bring all of you over to my side I’ve prepared this handy guide to the NHL playoffs. Just follow along and you’ll go far.

Amanda’s Simple Guide to the Stanley Cup Playoffs

You are allowed allegiance to one Western conference team and one Eastern conference team. Example: Amanda’s Western Conference Team: Nashville Predators. Amanda’s Eastern Conference Team: Pittsburgh Penguins

It is perfectly okay for all productive activities in your life to cease during the playoffs. The NHL wants you watch all the games. That’s why the show them all on tv. You don’t even have to feel like a slug for never leaving your couch. It’s totally cool.

If the hockey gods are against you and your chosen teams gets knocked out of the playoffs you are allowed to choose a replacement to fill the void. Example: Amanda’s Western conference second choice: Phoenix Coyotes. Eastern conference: Florida Panthers. Although I do not plan on needing to utilize my second choices.

If you enjoy a player on an opposing team you are not allowed to verbally admit it. Example: Claude Giroux is really great and has a red beard, but he plays for the Flyers. I cannot admit I like him because I want the Penguins to win, therefore Claude is the enemy.

While playoff beards can occasionally become disgusting we are not allowed to complain about them. They provide some sort of magical powers. Example: Kevin Klein. Dude had exactly 4 goals in 66 regular season games. He now has 2 goals in 5 playoff games. Fluke? No. Playoff beard power? Absolutely.

That’s some serious beard power

If you go to the bathroom while the puck is in play, someone will score. This is a fact proven by me. So don’t go to the bathroom, unless you like missing out on game changing moments.

It’s perfectly natural to jump around and celebrate a game winning shot even if you are alone in your living room with only a dog. Not that I’ve ever done this. That would be super weird.**

Despite the fact that Sidney Crosby‘s lips look plump enough to use as a pillow for sleeping, don’t say it out loud. Especially around males. They will think you are crazy. Again, I’ve never done this.***

Seriously, those things are plump

If you spend your hard-earned cash on playoff tickets, your team will lose that game. So that sucks, but you’ll probably still spend your money anyway just for a chance at a taste of that playoff atmosphere.

Goaltenders are weird. They just are. Don’t blame losses on them. They will take it super personally and proceed to lose 3 games in a row. Example: Marc Andre-Fleury‘s super choke at the beginning of the playoffs.

Do not NOT wear your lucky socks. You cannot afford taking a chance with the hockey gods at this point in the season. Your socks may be the only thing allowing your team to win. You don’t want to have to shoulder the blame of a loss just because you were too arrogant to wear your lucky turkey socks.

It’s absolutely okay to slam Henrik Zetterberg’s head into glass if you are Shea Weber. You will not get suspended. Totally cool. I’m a Shea Weber fan, but the guy should not have done this. Hockey gods were on his side obviously.

And finally, you can totally cry when your team doesn’t win the Stanley Cup. I won’t even make fun of you.

Editors Note: The Penguins are out. Let’s go Panthers! (Mostly just this guy. Gotta love Ol’ No-Chin Smithson)

Jerred Smithson

*Ya, I am.
**Guys I’ve done this. Several times.
***I absolutely have.

Seriously. Where Are You Keeping Your Catfish?

Hockey is sport full of very strange traditions. There’s the whole drinking champagne out of a giant shiny cup, using the same jockstrap since juniors (I’m talking about you Sidney Crosby. You’re disgusting) and not using a razor once the playoffs begin. And then we have the incredibly strange playoff tradition of throwing sea-life onto the ice rink after your particular team scores.


Visit Joe Louis Arena in Detroit Michigan around the beginning of April. Wait until the Red Wings score a goal and the strangest thing will happen. An octopus will fly out of the crowd onto the ice. Then take a trip south to Bridgestone Arena in Nashville Tennessee. When the Predators score, a big fat catfish will just miraculous fall on the ice. And in both places a poor ice girl will be given the task of picking up the slimy creature with her bare hands and retrieving it. The crowd gets really pumped up when these sea creatures grace us with their presence. I have nothing against throwing ocean dwelling creatures on ice. In fact, I get pretty pumped up about it myself, mostly because it means my Preds have scored, but it does lead me to beg the question:

Sea Creature Throwers, how in the heck are you storing these things?

A hockey game is at least an hour and forty minutes in length. You’ve got 3 twenty minute periods with the two twenty minute intermissions in between. But then you’ve got fights that happen. Then they have to stop the clock. And then people score and the clock stops. Pucks go into the crowd. Stop the clock. Basically a game is always going to be much longer than an hour and forty minutes. Meaning you people who wait until the 3rd period to throw your catfish are storing raw meat somewhere on your person for approximately an hour and half. And we’re not talking small catfish. We’re talking real big catfish. the kind you would mount on a wall. There’s no hiding these things.

Now see, I’m a girl. I have a purse. When I go to games the people at the door want to look in my purse to make sure I have no illegal paraphernalia. I’m 110% positive that if there was a catfish or an octopus in my purse, they would notice it. And I’m more than 110% positive that if I had an ice chest preserving my seafood, they would really notice.

Are you just carryng these things in, in plain sight? Because I’m pretty sure the PA Announcer always tells me to refrain from throwing things onto the ice. Do you just explain yourself to the security at the front door. “Oh this catifsh? No. I’m not going to throw it. I only eat seafood. This is my dinner.” They’re not falling for this. They know what you’re doing with that thing.

Obviously the most logical theory is that you have this thing strapped to you in some fashion. You saran wrap that sucker to your calf don’t you? If you wear baggy enough clothing you’re golden. No one’s going to know you’ve got a fish in your pants. But that leads me to another question.

Is it not uncomfortable having a 10 pound catfish strapped to your leg for 2 periods of hockey?

It has to be getting a little stinky at that point in the game. Do the people sitting next to you not object to your odor? I know the Predators and even the Red Wings score in the first period a lot. Why don’t you just throw it then? Why do you wait until the 3rd period? That’s a strange thing. Unless….is there only one person throwing all the catfish and octopi? Are you storing more than one fish on your body and throwing one for every goal? That is some serious dedication.

So I guess, in retrospect, I don’t think you’re crazy anymore. I admire your loyalty in supporting your teams goals with sea life. Obviously it’s not easy to keep those catfish and octopuses hidden from security. And alienating those around you with your smell, well that’s just a big commitment. I applaud you, you seafood thrower. As it turns out you are a better fan than me.

Sid, Are You a Child?

Dearest Sidney Franklin (I made this middle name up) Crosby,

You know I love you and your super incredible hockey abilities (Oh and I can’t forget your lusciously large lips. Did you have work done on them? They are HUGE!) I however, have one simple question for you.

Are you 3?

You see, I’ve chosen you and your Penguins as my eastern conference team to root for in the NHL playoffs, so I’ve been intently watching your first round series versus the Philadelphia Flyers. Since the first game you guys have been very angry towards each other. There have been many brawls and lots and lots of penalties on the parts of both teams. This, I understand, is hockey so it’s okay with me, but let’s talk about Sunday.

Sunday, you seemed to have boiled over in your frustrations and anger. There were wrestling matches, hair pulling, cheap shots and I’m sure many, many adult-type words. Which, you know, whatev, hockey.

Classic hockey fight!

Side note: I teach 3 year olds for a living and the little delightful guys do things like that all the time, minus the adult-type words. (ok, sometimes even that part takes place.)

So allow me to take this moment to tell you a story: Today, one child we’ll call him Frank, wasn’t using crayons. He wasn’t even near them. Then he saw another child, we’ll call her Tina, reach for the crayons, so Frank pushed the crayons to the other side of the table just out of Tina’s reach.

That story sounds pretty familiar doesn’t it? Seems very similar to something that recently happened with you right? Remember when you made the really mature decision to push away someone’s (Jakub Voracek’s to be precise) glove as he bent down to pick it up. Right as he bent down you just stuck your stick out and shoved that glove right away from his reach. Do you recall doing this? It’s not a very mature thing to do Sid ol’ pal.

And after you acted like a 3-year-old in tossing a glove away, you also decided to get in a fight with Claude Giroux and then you said some more adult words. Now normally I wouldn’t care that much about your actions, but the way you responded when questioned about these incidents makes me truly wonder if you are actually a child that has been given hormones to grow a nasty mustache tricking all of us into thinking you’re an adult.

You see, after the game the interviewers asked you why you pushed poor, poor, Jakub’s glove across the ice and you said,

I don’t like any guy on their team there. It was near me and he went to pick it up and I pushed it.”

First of all this did not answer their question at all. You basically just restated the question, but in essence what you said was,

I’m a child. I was losing in a hockey game. I wanted to make him mad. I saw his glove so I pushed it. Again, let the record show, I am a child and that is why I acted like a child.

So because you were so ridiculously ambiguous in your response the interviewers, they tried to understand your feelings more by asking for clarification as to why you don’t like the Flyers. And of course you were an open book and said,

“I don’t like them because I don’t like any guy on their team.”

Way to be super informative there, buddy! Now everyone is fully understanding why you don’t like those darn Flyers! You don’t like them because you don’t like them. Now I get it! (No I don’t.) Again, you’re acting like the 3 year olds I work with, “Why’d you hit them?” “Because they’re not my friend.” “Why?” “Because.” I have discussion like this on a daily basis. But they are 3 so it’s sort of excused from them as they can’t fully verbalize their feelings. But you are a grown man (I think).

After this you seemed to become slightly defensive about your motives for not liking the Flyers and you said,

“Yea, guys are emotional and there is a lot of stuff going on out there. There is no reason to explain. I don’t have to sit here and explain why I pushed a glove away they are doing a lot of things out there too. You know what, we don’t like each other. Was I going to sit there and pick up his glove? What was I supposed to do?”

Well Sid, you didn’t have to pick the glove up, that is true. But maybe, just maybe, you shouldn’t have pushed the glove away from him? I don’t know, that seems like the type of mature decision a 25-year-old man should make, but you didn’t do that. You did not. But I’m not the first person to suggest this concept to you. The interviewers even offered this thought and you said, as you are super mature,

“Skate away? Oh well I didn’t that time.

No, no you didn’t Sid. You did not skate away. You made the choice to be a child instead of a man.

Essentially what I heard in this interview was,

“AAAACK!! My Penguins are losing in this series! I’m so mad!! I needed to act out my frustrations so I pushed that punks glove away from him to make him mad. Okay? So what? Do you want to fight about it? Because I will fight you. I fought Giroux and I’ll take you down too! I’m not scared! I’m Sid the Kid!”

But don’t worry Sid. I still love you, I do. And I still want you to win this series because I really just don’t like those Flyers either. So I can relate to you on that. But I’m gonna need you to stop being childish and start playing hockey.

Your last chance for Stanley Cup-dom is tomorrow. If you do not win, you’re done. So maybe, here’s an idea, maybe you should just not fight with anyone tomorrow, ya? Maybe just try to score and win the game? Okay? Ya? Let’s do that.

Oh, and maybe next time make up a reason for not liking the Flyers, like “I don’t like them because they push me and they have stinky feet.” Anything really, just don’t say, “I don’t like them because I don’t like them.” again. That’s a stupid reason.

Okay, well I’m glad we had this heart to heart. Again, don’t worry. I still love you and your super plump lips.

All my love,
Amanda

P.S. The Flyers made this shirt to give away. So I guess the feeling is mutual?

You’re Killin’ Me NBC

To NBC, aka the National Broadcasting Company,

It’s springtime. The birds are chirping, flowers are sprouting from the ground, I can put ice in my coffee. It’s a glorious time of year. I, unfortunately, have not participated in any of these delightful things spring brings about because I have not left my couch in 7 days.

Why is this, you ask. Well, because the Stanley Cup playoffs have begun. You’ve been preparing me for this with all of your “Because it’s the Cup” commercials that have been playing for months. Every time I see one I get real pumped up to play in that championship game.

Side note: This one especially makes me super pumped


End of side note.

Shortly after getting prepared to defeat the Detroit Red Wings I remember I’m not actually an NHL player and I calm myself back down. But none the less, I’ve been anxiously awaiting this time of the year.

I’d like to congratulate you on being able to show every single game, every single night on your different affiliates such as NBC, CNBC and NBC Sports. That is quite the feat. Luckily you have like 9 million different channels so it’s not really that hard for you. The difficult part of this comes when you are me.

You see, I’d like to watch all of the games. But when you have, for example, the Predators – Red Wings game on CNBC at the same time as the Flyers – Penguins game on NBC Sports, you leave me a decision as difficult as Sophie’s choice.

I can either:

A: Flip back and forth between the two games watching both at the same time.
But this leads to confusion. I start on NBC Sports and see Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins, take a shot. I flip back to CNBC and see Pekka Rinne make a spectacular save (or s-pekk-tacular, if you want to be cute). I think to myself, “Crap. Sid didn’t score. But wait? Why is Pekka playing for the Flyers?” I’ve confused myself and both games are now one game in my head. This will never work.

B: Watch one game live while recording the other to watch later.
This requires me to choose one game to put myself on a media blackout for. But when I’m watching your coverage of one game you are super diligent on notifying me of the score of other games happening at the same time. Also I cannot be trusted to be on a media blackout. I check twitter far too often to not know what’s happening. So unless you guys stop updating me on scores, this plan will also never work.

C: Pay for tickets for the Predators playoff games, thus making the decision unnecessary.
Obviously I’m not going to sit at home and watch 5 games on tv if I have tickets to see one live. I’m going to that game and I’ll just check the other scores during intermissions. Unfortunately, I’m not a multimillionaire. I cannot afford playoff tickets past the first round. So this also will not work.

D: Develop ulcers trying to figure out which game to watch.
This seems to be the most likely scenario. I can feel them forming even now.

Do you see what you are doing to me? I know it’s super cool that you can show all the games and what not, but you are going to cause me to lose years off my life. I have a serious problem in that I want to watch all the games and I cannot physically do it. It’s not possible. You guys are ruining my life. You’re making me choose between Shea Weber and Sidney Crosby. That’s like choosing which adorable puppy I want to kick in the face. I just can’t do it.

So I’ve got an idea:

First I need you to stagger the game times. Start them at 8 am if you must, just make it where none of the games are on at the same time. That way I can watch every single one of them in their entirety.

Second, you need to talk to Barack (Obama, that is, not Nashville’s weather man Barak Shapiro) and find a way to make the months of April, May and June national holidays. That way I don’t have to work all during those months. I can remain stagnant on the couch shouting at my tv with no repercussions for my actions. then I never have to choose between games ever again. I would be the hap-hap-happiest girl in the world!

It’s going to take a little bit of effort, but I think if we both work really hard we can make this happen.

So you just let me know when you’re ready to put this plan into action and I’ll be ready, okay?

A Day With the Stanley Cup? Yes Please!

Recently my dear brother informed me via twitter of the best contest that has ever existed in the history of ever. It’s a contest for the ultimate hockey fan, which not to brag, is me.

I can win a day with THE Stanley Cup. Ever heard of it? Big shiny silver cup? Looks kinda like this (actually it looks exactly like this, being that this is a photo of it):
Hockey players drink booze out of it? Ringing any bells? So if I win this contest I can invite 25 of my closest friends to take photos with the cup o’ Stanley. We can look at it, we can touch it and we can just basically have an all around good time with the cup. (We CANNOT put food or beverage in it however. The rules very clearly state this fact) And just to top of the joy of a day spent with Stanley, I will get two tickets to the Stanley Cup final game. As in the game where they drink all the booze out of the cup with which I have just spent the day with. So ya I kind of want to win this prize.

All I have to do is submit an essay explaining why I deserve a day with ol’ Stanley and a photo depicting my passion for the sport of hockey. What better place to try out my rough draft than right here on the good ol’ WWW. The world-wide web. Let me know what you guys think. This is the best essay that I have ever written in my entire life. And I wrote a lot of essays in my 4 years of college.

Why Amanda Deserves a Day with the Stanley Cup

I really like hockey. No scratch that. I really LOVE hockey.
I didn’t realize how much I loved hockey until I moved to Nashville in August. I attended the first home game of the Nashville Predators and since that initial game I have spent nearly a billion dollars on hockey. Essentially I became obsessed with the sport of hockey. I was a girl who never really followed sports much and now I have become a terror to those around me. I have random hockey trivia for every situation. I follow the standings religiously. I taunt the other teams when they come into our arena. I even spent a small fortune on a jersey when I was unemployed (granted this was not a wise decision but we’re cool now. I have a job again) I’ve spent another small fortune on the lottery known as mystery pucks, hoping for a Tootoo or a Weber, and you know what? I’ve gotten both. Because I am the ultimate hockey fan and have the hockey gods on my side. If I didn’t truly love hockey the hockey gods would never even come near me. So anyway, for the ultimate hockey fan like myself, a chance to see, feel, smell, and maybe even taste the Stanley Cup is a dream come true. If I could feel that shiny guy I would be the happiest person that has ever existed.

I will never have the talent or ability to win a Stanley Cup myself
I have zero balance. Ask my wii fit. It tells me all the time that I have the worst balance ever. There’s no possible way I can ever be good at ice skating without good balance. And if I can’t ice skate I’ll never be able to play hockey and if I can’t play hockey I’ll never be on an NHL team and if I never get to play on an NHL team I’ll never win the Stanley Cup. (Also I’m a girl. That’s the other reason why I’ll never be able to play in the NHL) So winning this contest would be my only opportunity to touch the Stanley Cup (this may not be an actual fact, but you can’t prove otherwise). If I don’t ever get to spend a day with the Stanley Cup I don’t know if my life is worth living. I’ll never be able to cross “touch the Stanley Cup” off my bucket list. Then I will die unhappily. But seriously, I need to spend a day with that thing. Sidney Crosby’s giant lips have touched it. If my regular sized lips touch it also, it will be like I kissed Sid, right on the lips. And ya, I want that in my life.

I’m a broke college graduate
I recently graduated college. Thus I have no money in my life. And the money I do have is being used to pay for the education that I am not currently utilizing. And my degree is in ministry. I will never ever make enough money to attend the Stanley Cup final game. NEVER. (unless my marriage proposal to Shea Weber works out, but I’m not holding my breath on that one) If I win this contest this would be the only time in my life I would be able to attend this game. Because I’m poor. I can’t afford tickets. I just can’t. And that’s why I need you to pick my essay and photo as the best EVER and allow me the opportunity to see the Stanley Cup live and in person. And then see the Stanley Cup final game live and in person as well. It would only be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

So in conclusion, I’m poor, have no balance and love hockey. And that is why I should be given the opportunity to spend a day with Stanley. And I promise not to put any food or drink inside of it because I’m a rule follower. I might sniff it though. That wouldn’t be weird would it? Oh well. Anyway, I deserve a day with the Stanley Cup because I am the ultimate hockey fan!

If this isn’t hockey passion, I have no idea what is.

That should just about do it. I’m almost positive that I will win with that essay and that fantastic photo! I’ll let you guys know when I win, and maybe 25 of you guys can also touch the Stanley Cup! Wouldn’t that be the best?

Hold The Phone! I’m a Girl AND I like Hockey?

Sergei Kostitsyn, you are my favorite Belarusian.

First let me start out by saying, I haven’t always been the biggest sports fan. I would go to the occasional baseball or basketball games, but I didn’t really follow anything closely enough that you could call me a die-hard fan. That is until I discovered hockey.

One taste of hockey and I was hooked. I don’t know if it was the speed at which the game progressed at, or the possibility of Jordin Tootoo punching the poo out of someone, but I got sucked in. Normally in a sports type setting I people watch. I enjoy watching the people around to see how stupid they can actually be. But not at hockey games. I was actually watching the game. I found myself getting angry when someone would walk in front of the action. I made passive aggressive comments about the people who would walk in front of me. I never did this at baseball games. Something weird was happening. I liked this sport, actually I didn’t just like it, I LOVED it.

Ask me any question about the Predators, I can probably answer it. I got sucked into this sport and I did as much possible research as I could. Some might say I’m out of control. I don’t see it that way. I just didn’t want to be ignorant person asking questions about what the round black thing on the ice was. I wanted to know what was happening. I looked up the rules and all the ways you can get penalties. I read statistics on a daily basis. Turns out I have actually become incredibly knowledgeable on the subject. I’m still trying to figure out how this happened to me, but it did and I’m done questioning. I’ve finally found a sport that speaks to me and I love it.

All this being said, I’m afraid with all my talk of marrying Shea Weber or Colin Wilson I’ve given the world the impression that I only enjoy hockey for the looking at of the players. Sure I won’t deny some of the hockey players are attractive, particularly the Europeans and if one proposed to me I would not say no, but that’s not why I watch hockey. I actually LIKE the sport. I don’t spend my money on tickets and jerseys just in hopes that some player will see me in the crowd and want to be my forever love. And I haven’t made a day-glo colored sign proposing to anyone either*. (in fact the girls who make signs and wear pink jerseys concern me. Why are you wasting your money on tickets to something you don’t understand? Well, I know why, but seriously? Do you really think that’s going to work out for you? I don’t)

I recorded the Penguins/Bruins game today. Why did I do this? Because I love Marc Andre Fleury and Milan Lucic? No. While I find both of them to be very talented hockey players, I did it for the sole reason of wanting to watch it, because I enjoy watching hockey. Because I like the sport. And not just the athletes.

It’s weird right? A girl, who likes sports, and NOT just because she finds the players attractive? WHAT?? That’s crazy talk. Girls can’t like hockey. They only like hockey because they think that Sidney Crosby is dreamy and they want to go necking with Claude Giroux.

False. Girls can like hockey. And I do. You can’t stop me. I will wear my jersey to games. (if I was looking for love at a hockey game do you REALLY think I would wear a jersey? The things are not flattering!) I will mock the person behind me who says Paul Goose-Todd came from the Montreal Canadiens and I will scoff at the man next to me who Wikipedias the Kostitsyn brothers**. It’s just going to happen. Sorry, but I’m a girl and I like hockey. And if you’re a man who tries to spit stats that aren’t true, I’m probably going to consider punching you***.

I actually really like the game and I am not just a puck bunny thank you very much!****

 

*Ok. I made one for Brandon Yip in this post, but it was purely for ironic purposes. I threw it away immediately and DID NOT take it to a game.
**Really? The Kostitsyns? They’re only my favs. Don’t Wikipedia them next to me. I will want to punch you. Also Paul GAUSTAD came from the Buffalo Sabres. Moron.
***Hey buddy. Nick Spaling is the player who the Preds are 13-0-1 when he scores. Not Mike Fisher. Come on! Don’t be spitting lies!
****Puck bunny: a young female hockey fan, especially one motivated more by a desire to meet the players than by an interest in hockey. NOT Amanda.

This Time I Suck and It’s All My Fault

To the Nashville Predators:

Hi guys. As you know, you just lost your hockey match against the Los Angeles Kings. It seemed to me that all of you have forgotten how to play hockey. Which is questionable being that it’s your job and all.  You get paid to play hockey but you weren’t playing hockey tonight. But what do I know, I’m no color commentator. Well I am, but only to the people sitting near me. (BTW: Do you guys get paid for the games in which you play terribly? Because that doesn’t seem right) Don’t feel bad though. It wasn’t your guys’ fault you lost. It was mine. All mine.

You see, I have this lucky pair of socks I wear to every game. They’re navy blue and have little embroidered turkeys in them. I don’t know how they became lucky, they just are. I don’t question it. I just accept their powers.

I also have a lucky pair of jeans I wear to every game. They’re worn out in all the right places to make them perfect for jumping up to celebrate goals. They also coordinate perfectly with the navy and gold of your jerseys. I’ve never not worn them to a game. You guys win, when these jeans are worn. They are tried and true. And I always wear a tan pair of converse all-stars with the turkey socks and jeans. They’ve been worn so often to Bridgestone Arena that I’m almost positive the smell of beer and nacho cheese is embedded into the fabric of them.

And the final part of my game day ensemble is my Craig Smith jersey. I put that on with my jeans, socks, and shoes and you guys never lose. Never. As long as that exact clothing combination is worn. It’s my lucky game day outfit and I wear it to every single game. (I’m not crazy you guys. You’re hockey players, you should understand superstitions better than anyone)

But tonight I didn’t wear my lucky ensemble. Any of it. I went to the game straight from work. I was wearing black ballet flats and didn’t remember to bring my lucky shoes to change into because I am an idiot. And because I would have looked like a crazy person if I had worn the turkey socks with the flats I opted out of the turkey socks. I had a very small time frame for getting to the game so I had to change my shirt in the car. For the sake of easiness I opted to go with my Jordin Tootoo tee rather than my Craig Smith jersey. I reasoned this out to myself saying “I’m going to the game Thursday. If I wear the jersey dirty it throws everything off and the Preds lose. I don’t have time for laundry between now and Thursday so I’ll save Smith and go with Toots. It’ll be okay.” I was very wrong.

My jeans weren’t right. My shoes were all wrong and I didn’t wear the socks. And just to top off my bad luck ridden outfit, I also wore my cap. I never wear my cap to the games for fear someone will score a hat trick. I didn’t spend $20 on a hat just so i could throw it to you guys for doing your job. But I wore it tonight like some sort of buffoon.

Suffice it to say, I’ll take the blame for this loss boys. The universe was all a-kilter because of me. I threw off your game because I wore the wrong clothes. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m such a jerk for making you guys lose! I’m really sorry and if the Kostitsyn’s wish to strip me of my “Kostitsyn’s #1 Fan” title I fully understand.

Trust me though. I have learned my lesson and Thursday evening I will be there with my worn in jeans. turkey socks, converse tennies and Craig Smith jersey. I might even have some bells and whistles on just for fun.*

So anyway fellas, this time I suck and it’s all my fault. I’m real sorry about that. Won’t happen again.

*Nope. That would ruin the whole ‘universe balance’ thing again

Sorry Toots. My bad for getting you kicked out of the game. But really you shouldn't have pushed that ref. You know better.