Amanda, The Country Music Star: Second Try

A couple days ago I decided to write a country song. It was a near disaster. I tried my darnedest, but, man I don’t know how to rhyme. So since I’m currently unemployed and stuff, I spent way too much time just now making the song rhyme better. I’m really not joking either. I used a rhyming dictionary and even googled song rhyming schemes. I really, really, need a job you guys.

However I think with all my extra effort I have pushed this song to another level now. Maybe even platinum record level. Because, you know, I’ve mentioned booze, Jesus, farming, daddy, mama, rain, a church. There’s heartbreak and then the heartbreak is fixed and marriage occurs. I removed the mention of pig farmers, because that was just weird. What else does a country song need? I mean really.

I’m feeling good about my second draft. You can find the first draft here, if you need a reference to how this terrible song can be better than the previous one.

Bobby Ray and Me
*any similarities to real life situations or people are purely coincidental, as I know absolutely no one named Bobby Ray.

“Bobby Ray had his eyes peeled,
Drivin’ in the corn field.
Daddy tried to warn me about him,
But I had to act upon that whim.

He was drinkin’ Sasparilla with, Little Joe.
I knew it was love, who-o-o-a!
They knew he’d break my heart that day,
He’s a wandering dog, they’d say.
But who’d guess he’d wander right to me.
I guess I like his smell too much to stray.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Well Bobby Ray broke my heart,
I guess I weren’t that smart.
A bottle of Jack my only friend
Not even my dog could pretend,
I was ok.
I’d begun to stray.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

I walked into the country church,
Nestled under the Silver Birch.
And I found Jesus.
I dropped the bottle that day.
There’s no way I could delay,
I started to frolic,
I was no longer alcoholic!

I love you Bobby Ray,
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

I saw him walking in the rain,
to his mama’s house on main.
He said, ‘I’m sorry, I tried to warn you,
Of what I’d put you through,
I’m a wandering dog, you can’t tie me down.
But because of you, I can’t skip town.’
I said, thanks for breaking my heart,
I’ve been falling apart.
Bobby Ray got down on one knee
And then he said, I’d like for you to be.
My love come true.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville.

Well whod’ve guessed.
We’d be married today!

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
In my heart.”

That was a little better huh?

I’m probably still going to send it to Taylor Swift. (Mainly because I don’t think she really reads lyrics before she agrees to sing them. Have you guys heard her songs?? They don’t even make sense. And all she does is whine in them. But that’s a digression.)

Mean (song)

See. Taylor Swift is a weirdie.

Amanda, The Country Music Star

English: American country musician Brad Paisley.

Image via Wikipedia

I haven’t always been a country music fan. (Or maybe I have I just wouldn’t admit it if I was asked) But since moving to Nashville, it’s basically the only thing they have. Just country music.

Everywhere. Walk outside and there’s always a faint honky tonk in the wind. (this is a lie) Every person I walk by is singing/whistling/humming the newest Dolly Parton hit (this is also a lie).

Basically, what I’m saying is, if I want a career, I have to become a country music star. Unfortunately I don’t know how to play guitar, or sing, or wear a cowboy hat appropriately. So obviously my only other option is to write hit songs for the likes of Taylor Swift and Brad Paisley to sing.

Here’s my first try at a country song. Let me know what you guys think.

Bobby Ray and Me
*any similarities to real life situations or people are purely coincidental, as I know absolutely no one named Bobby Ray, nor have I ever been in a corn field with pig farmers

“I met him in the corn field. He was ridin’ on his tractor.
I can still smell the pig farm on him.
He was drinkin’ Sasparilla with his bud, Little Joe.
I knew it was love, right when I smelled him
The pig farmers tried to warn me,
They knew he’d break my heart that day.
He’s a wandering dog, they’d say.
But who’d guess he’d wander right to me.
I guess I like his smell too much to say…goodbye.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Well Bobby Ray broke my heart,
A bottle of Jack became my only friend
Not even my dog could make me,
Happy
I was getting worse everyday.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Last week I reached rock bottom.
I walked into the country church,
And I found Jesus
I dropped that bottle right there that day.
Bobby Ray ran me right into Jesus’ arms
I’m not an alcoholic,
Anymore!

I love you Bobby Ray,
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

I saw him the other day at his mama’s house.
I remember what he said to me there
He said, I’m sorry, I tried to warn you,
I’m a wandering dog, you can’t tie me down.
I said, thanks for breaking my heart,
But I still love you….and your smell.
And then he said, he loved me too.
I guess I knew that smell, was love come true.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Well whod’ve guess.
That smell of pigs,
Would draw me to him.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
In my heart.
And I love, your smell”

This is obviously the perfect country song. I mentioned love, heartbreak, then love again, a tractor, a dog, rain, stars, Nashville, someone named Bobby Ray, Little Joe and a mama. As I wrote it I thought all the words in a nasally voice. I touched on every ingredient for a hit country song. Everyone can relate to it. I’m sure of it.

Sure it needs a little tweaking. This is just the first draft. The rhythm is all off, the lyrics are incredibly stupid and don’t make any sense, but otherwise it’s a Grammy award winner. I’ll work on it some more tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even break out the old rhyming dictionary.

Actually no, I’ll probably just go ahead and mail it like this to Taylor Swift tomorrow. She’ll sing pretty much anything.

(Thanks to Edrevets for pointing out my serious neglect of Jesus and alcohol in this country western song. As for the rest of you…well I’m mad at all of you for not letting me know I had failed so terribly.)