Weirdos Should Not Be Allowed Access To The Internet

{Before I begin. I’ve started writing here. It’s a blog all about Nashville Predators hockey. All the time. So in short, what I’m saying is, most of my hockey obnoxiousness will be spewed there instead of here. Aren’t you happy? Unless you enjoyed that stuff. Then I guess click that link, and enjoy. And now onto the regularly scheduled program.}

I write about weird things. I’m not going to deny this. I’ve written posts ranging from an accusation of Fred Phelps being Michael Phelps estranged father, to brainstorming the current state of the Boy Meets World characters. So, it’s no surprise to me that occasionally some weird google searches link people to my blog. But sometimes, sometimes the phrases are even too weird for me and I can’t see how in a million, bajillion years that search term led to my blog. But I’m a people pleaser, so I’m here to help you big freaks who google really weird things. Next time you google your weird things, I’ll have an answer for you. You’re welcome.

“scared people swimming” – My best guess is that the person searching for scared people swimming was looking for a picture. So you know, I’m on it:

“everytime i wear my lucky hat i…” – have good luck! Yes. Nailed it.

“ow. stop it you.” – Oh. I’m sorry. Am I causing you pain with my sharp wit? (see what I did there?)

“what is michael phelps going to do now” – Simple. He’s going to marry me. Then we’re going to have babies. And he’s going to teach the babies to swim. Someone needs to be able to teach my future children not to drown, I can’t do that. He’ll probably have to teach me too.

“adam levine trenchcoat” – I have no idea what you were looking for here. But I googled it myself and the image results were nothing short of inappropriate. So I’m not doing this one for you, ya freak.

“recent sports events” – May I direct you to


“sparkly silver acoustic guitar” – Here you go buddy!

“alex ovechkin face” – First. Why would you want to find this? His face is mildly terrifying. Second. Here it is. Try not to have too many nightmares.

“i don’t care what you think of me i don’t think of you at all” – That’s just rude. I’m not talking to you.

“knock my head on table” – That sounds like a terrible idea. I would not highly recommend that. One time I bashed my head into the bottom of a cabinet and I immediately was able to smell sounds and taste color. I imagine knocking your head on a table would accomplish the same thing. So if that sounds pleasant, go for it.

“dustin brown la kings sexy” – I know for a fact I have NEVER stated this. I don’t know why this brought you here to my little corner of the internet, but he is not sexy. Have you seen him? His face is WAY asymmetrical and he looks like a weasel. But hey, if that’s your thing than go for it girl (or guy, I don’t want to pigeon-hole)

“hey, i just met you, and this is crazy, steve urkel” – Did you just meet me? Did you just meet Steve Urkel? Because if you just met me, well cool I guess. But I don’t know what’s so crazy. Maybe the fact that you have some sort of tourette’s that causes you to randomly say Steve Urkel. And if you think you just met Steve Urkel, well I’ve got news. He’s a fictional character.

There we go guys. Now your weird, curious minds can be fulfilled. But I’m just going to be real with myself. All I’ve probably accomplished is leading more weirdos to my blog. But it’s all about quantity not quality right? Guys? Right?

Boy Meets World: Where Are They Now

I’ve been watching a lot of Boy Meets World reruns recently. I mean A LOT of reruns. That’s basically what I do every Saturday morning. Wake up, work out with Bob Harper, take a shower, eat some yogurt, watch Boy Meets World for 5 hours. I can’t help but wonder, what happened to Cory and the gang after the show ended?

If you’ll journey back with me to the year 2000. When we last saw our friends they were getting ready to journey out into the great unknown of adult-hood. Cory and Topanga were married and getting ready to move to New York for her internship. Eric was graduating from college much to everyone’s surprise. (That guy was goofus!) Shawn was…well he has an unhealthy attachment to Cory and was also going to New York. Then we have the less important people. Jack (Matthew Lawrence when he had a career) and Rachel (the obnoxious redhead) joined the peace corps and Angela (Shawn’s on again-off again girlfriend) seems to have just disappeared. Then we have Mr. Feeny. Always the voice of reason. They left him in his classroom. Now I’m not sure why he was in the middle school classroom again as he followed them to high school and then college, but none the less he was still in that darn classroom when they left.

I have spent countless minutes (truth, I really have) wondering where these guys are now. And as I have nothing else going on at the moment I’ve compiled my thoughts and have decided to share them with all of you. You’re welcome guys!

Cory and Topanga:
It’s been 12 years. They’re getting up there in age guys. I know…it’s hard to believe, but tv characters age* By my entirely accurate calculations they’re about 32ish. So I like to believe that Topanga’s internship went super well. Unfortunately the two of them did not plan their lives out well. They gave birth to their first child, Maximus Bertrum Matthews before the internship was over. So Topanaga gave up her dreams to stay home with little Max. Cory is still a goofus, but somehow he made an incredibly successful career in improv comedy. His shows are Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings at the Laugh House. Since the birth of Maximus they have had 4 other children. Scallion Ruth, Markieff Poblano, Thomas James and Little Betty Margaret. They currently reside in Long Island, New York with their growing family and a dog named Smokey. Oh ya and Shawn lives with them.

Shawn Hunter:
Well, you know how Shawn is. He’s basically in love with Cory so he resides in the basement of their humble abode. Cory and Topanga have tried many times to set Shawn up with nice women so that maybe one day he will find love of his own and move out. Thus far it has been unsuccessful as 12 years later, he’s still in their basement. He’s held many jobs. Waiter, valet, dog-walker, pretty much anything short of selling his organs. But because he is that rogue little Shawn we’ve come to know and love, he kept none of them. My guess is he’ll probably die of old age in Cory and Topanga’s basement before he moves out. Really, though, they need to hold an intervention for him.

Eric Matthews:
Strangely enough, Eric shed his goofball image and became the most successful of the gang. He started an internet company that sells life-size cardboard cutouts of athletes. It’s now a multi-million dollar company. He’s currently living up the bachelor life in LA. People magazine recently named him the #3 most eligible bachelor in the USA. Basically he’s living the dream.

Mr. Feeny:

Mr. Feeny is still alive and kicking next door to Amy and Alan. He went back to being the middle school principal and is still influencing the lives of numerous kids. He makes frequent trips to Long Island and LA claiming it’s for work. But we all know he’s just checking up on Eric, Cory, Topanga and Shawn. He always pretended to find them draining but he really loves them. Cory and Topanga’s children call him Grandpoopie Feeny and love when he comes to visit. Eric still relies on Feeny for acceptance and insight in life. He thought when they all moved away they’d finally leave him alone. But he hated that and is considering retirement to travel more easily.

Amy & Alan Matthews:
These two are happily residing in an empty nest. Their children have all grown up and moved out. Alan has retired and golfs almost everyday of the week. Amy spends her days buying knick knacks for her grandchildren (much to Cory and Topanga’s dismay). They love being grandparents and spend many weekends in Long Island with the grand kids.

Morgan Matthews:
Morgan left for college and no one has heard from her since. Rumor has it she’s living in Mexico under the name Guadalupe running an underground dog racing league. Basically her parents should have paid more attention to her when she was young.

Rachel and Jack:
They went ahead and stayed in the Peace Corps for 10 years. They recently got married during a drunken trip to Las Vegas. They are looking to have it annulled. Jack is selling insurance in Aspen while Rachel works as a preschool teacher in Connecticut.


We still have no idea where she disappeared to.

There you have it folks. Boy Meets World 12 years later. You can choose to think that they were merely tv characters and when the show went away, so did they.

As for me? Well I believe in all of the above. Just give me this one guys.

*Not entirely true. I’m almost positive that those kids in Yes, Dear never got older ever.