Bucket List: The Amanda Edition

A couple of years ago some friends and I went to see the movie The Bucket List. My main reason for going along was that it starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Have you ever seen a Morgan Freeman movie? I have. I have seen lots of them. They are always phenomenal, mainly because of his soothing voice. And Jack Nicholson is very popular. I haven’t seen so many of his movies. I’ve seen Mars Attacks!, but I don’t judge him for that one. If I did I would not have gone to see this movie. But I have digressed. I saw the previews for The Bucket List and it looked full of hilarious moments, heartbreak and warm fuzzys all around. So ya. I went with my friends and saw this movie.

If you haven’t seen it, first of all, what’s wrong with you? It’s a great flick. Go get that sucker out of the Redbox, like right now! Second of all it’s about two old guys, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, who are both diagnosed with cancer. Rather than sitting around and feeling sorry for themselves they decide to go out and do all the things they’ve always wanted to do but never have, because, basically they’re dying and have nothing left to lose. Thus, the title of the move, The Bucket List. You know, a list of things to complete before you…kick the bucket. It’s pretty clever. Anyway, I was inspired by this movie. I needed to make a bucket list. I didn’t want to die before I did everything I had ever dreamed of. So I had ever intention of sitting down and doing it right that day. I did not. I still have not. Good thing I haven’t died yet.

So here it is. Amanda’s Bucket List. All real and all things I would like to accomplish. And at least 10% of them are actually attainable.

  1. Hike the Grand Canyon. I feel everyone has this on their list. But I really want to do it. I need a hiking buddy. And a better cardio routine, so I don’t die halfway down.
  2. Purchase an english bulldog. Name him Kevin. Because Kevin is a great name for a bulldog.

    The future Kevin.

  3. See Brad Paisley at the Grand Ole Opry. I live in Nashville now. Obviously this is a must.
  4. See the ocean. How I have made it through almost 23 years of life and never seen the ocean is beyond me.
  5. Find an Eskimo. Ask them to list all the words for snow. Jordin Tootoo, I’m coming for ya!
  6. Invent a crayon eraser. Nothing makes my skin crawl more than small children trying to scratch crayon off of paper. They need erasers.
  7. See a Cubs game at Wrigley Field.
  8. Break my shoulder and have my tendons heal to tightly so I can throw a ball back all the way from the outfield to the catcher at Wrigley Field, Rookie of the Year style. Funky Buttlovin’!

    What happened to this kid? What's he doing now?

  9. Meet Kim Kardashian and ask her why she is so popular. Then tell her that her voice is too squeaky and no one likes it.
  10. Tell Sergei Kostitsyn he’s my favorite Belarusian. (I met him once. I just said “Hi!” and then “Thanks!” when he gave me an autograph. Talk about a missed opportunity.)
  11. Sit on the glass at a Predators game. Very attainable, just have not done it yet.
  12. Find the person who decided women should shave their legs and murder them. This would probably be the last thing I do, as it would imprison me for life.
  13. Ride and/or purchase a segway. If flying cars don’t exist yet, I at least want one of those so I can feel like I’m in The Jetson’s.

    Look how much fun these guys are having!

  14. Meet Mike “the situation” Sorrentino and punch him right in the eye for being such a meat head.
  15. See Sidney Crosby play hockey in real life before he goes and breaks his head for the last time and can never play again.
  16. Go back in time to before twitter or facebook existed and invent them. I would be RICH!
  17. Marry Shea Weber. Um….yep. That’s all I got on that one.
  18. Go to Seattle. Find Tom Hanks on the Space Needle.
  19. Go hop with the kangaroos in Australia.
  20. Pay off my car and student loans. I’m getting there guys! I’ll complete this one! I will.
  21. Meet Tim Tebow, and tell him how much of an incredible human being he really is. For real. I’m sure people tell him all the time, but I still want to. Dude’s incredible.
  22. Touch Shea Weber’s playoff beard.

    Seriously. The thing is bushy!

  23. Have 100 twitter followers. This will never happen for me. Apparently my tweets are just that terrible. Oh well. A girl can dream.
  24. Watch Avatar all the way through…in one sitting. Never been able to do it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
  25. Give birth to a child and name it….Colby Jack. Like the cheese.
  26. And my final bucket list item is meet Alex Ovechkin. Punch him in the face for being a punk all the time. Then ask him why he still lives with his parents. After that we’ll have a good laugh about me punching him in the face and we will become the best of friends.

Sorry Ovi. It's on my bucket list. It has to happen.

That’s all I got for now. Hopefully I don’t kick the bucket anytime soon, because I am nowhere near completing this list of…bucket tasks? (Is that what we call them? It’s what I’m calling them now. TRADEMARKED!)

Amanda, The Country Music Star

English: American country musician Brad Paisley.

Image via Wikipedia

I haven’t always been a country music fan. (Or maybe I have I just wouldn’t admit it if I was asked) But since moving to Nashville, it’s basically the only thing they have. Just country music.

Everywhere. Walk outside and there’s always a faint honky tonk in the wind. (this is a lie) Every person I walk by is singing/whistling/humming the newest Dolly Parton hit (this is also a lie).

Basically, what I’m saying is, if I want a career, I have to become a country music star. Unfortunately I don’t know how to play guitar, or sing, or wear a cowboy hat appropriately. So obviously my only other option is to write hit songs for the likes of Taylor Swift and Brad Paisley to sing.

Here’s my first try at a country song. Let me know what you guys think.

Bobby Ray and Me
*any similarities to real life situations or people are purely coincidental, as I know absolutely no one named Bobby Ray, nor have I ever been in a corn field with pig farmers

“I met him in the corn field. He was ridin’ on his tractor.
I can still smell the pig farm on him.
He was drinkin’ Sasparilla with his bud, Little Joe.
I knew it was love, right when I smelled him
The pig farmers tried to warn me,
They knew he’d break my heart that day.
He’s a wandering dog, they’d say.
But who’d guess he’d wander right to me.
I guess I like his smell too much to say…goodbye.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Well Bobby Ray broke my heart,
A bottle of Jack became my only friend
Not even my dog could make me,
Happy
I was getting worse everyday.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Last week I reached rock bottom.
I walked into the country church,
And I found Jesus
I dropped that bottle right there that day.
Bobby Ray ran me right into Jesus’ arms
I’m not an alcoholic,
Anymore!

I love you Bobby Ray,
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

I saw him the other day at his mama’s house.
I remember what he said to me there
He said, I’m sorry, I tried to warn you,
I’m a wandering dog, you can’t tie me down.
I said, thanks for breaking my heart,
But I still love you….and your smell.
And then he said, he loved me too.
I guess I knew that smell, was love come true.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
It’s raining here in Nashville
But only in my heart.

Well whod’ve guess.
That smell of pigs,
Would draw me to him.

I love you, Bobby Ray.
I love you.
In my heart.
And I love, your smell”

This is obviously the perfect country song. I mentioned love, heartbreak, then love again, a tractor, a dog, rain, stars, Nashville, someone named Bobby Ray, Little Joe and a mama. As I wrote it I thought all the words in a nasally voice. I touched on every ingredient for a hit country song. Everyone can relate to it. I’m sure of it.

Sure it needs a little tweaking. This is just the first draft. The rhythm is all off, the lyrics are incredibly stupid and don’t make any sense, but otherwise it’s a Grammy award winner. I’ll work on it some more tomorrow. Maybe I’ll even break out the old rhyming dictionary.

Actually no, I’ll probably just go ahead and mail it like this to Taylor Swift tomorrow. She’ll sing pretty much anything.

(Thanks to Edrevets for pointing out my serious neglect of Jesus and alcohol in this country western song. As for the rest of you…well I’m mad at all of you for not letting me know I had failed so terribly.)