A Few Valentine Demands (Pay Attention Fellas!)

You guys! Valentine’s day is TOMORROW. And do you know how many valentine’s I have for tomorrow?

None. I have none valentine’s for tomorrow. And the odds of me somehow picking up a valentine between and now and midnight are also none. Mainly because the only place I might go, other than home, between now and then is Walmart. I don’t want a Walmart valentine. Yuck. (plus I’m getting this weird pimple right by my lip, and it kind of looks like I have a case of the herp and that is not helping matters)

In fact I’ve never had a valentine. (Unless you count the small children I work with but I don’t, because that’s inappropriate) Even in elementary school when the super awesome 6th grade relationships were going on, no one brought me a teddy bear. Years and years I have waited for a teddy bear. Still no teddy bear for Amanda. So I’ve thought long and hard about this and here’s what I need to make up for 22 years of none valentines. Feel free to take notes fellas (mostly Colin Wilson)

First I’m going to need a teddy bear. Not just any teddy bear. A big teddy bear. 22 years worth of teddy bear. One like this one (but without that girl, I don’t want or need her):

Next I need tickets to the Predators / Blackhawks game tomorrow night. Right on the glass would be best, but if you can only swing upper deck I’ll deal with it I guess. I’ve taken the liberty to find some on eBay for your easy purchase so here ya go: 2 Chicago Blackhawks Vs. Nashville Predators 02/14/12

hockey fights are so romantic!

And my final demand is a poem. Not just any poem. A mushy poem. A mushy poem written solely using the words on conversation hearts. And no limericks or haiku’s. That’s cheating. Just glue those suckers on a doily in some sort of rhythm and send it my way. If it’s homemade I’ll love it. (and feel free to bring the rest of the bag of conversation hearts as a snack for the hockey game. I haven’t eaten any yet this year).

That’s it. That’s all I need to be happy. Is that so much to ask? I’m pretty easy-going. Just a poem, a big bear and some hockey tickets. What’s the big deal?

So anyway…
If anyone wants to, ya know, be my valentine….you know what to do.

 

 

Pies and Reformation Day

I’m so glad that 493 years ago Martin Luther wrote his 95 Theses so that I could  feel free to eat candy on this day with no guilt. Because of Martin Luther children can dress as whatever creature/human/monster that they wish. Then they can parade door to door and receive delicious treats in which their parents must check to make sure they’re not poisoned oh thank you Martin Luther for the freedom to eat candy all day on October 31. (I hope the sarcasm seeping through this paragraph was felt thoroughly)

But for real 493 years ago Martin Luther made Protestantism a part of the Christian Church and stood up for his beliefs no matter what would happen to him. So that’s pretty awesome. As is this quote:

“I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen. ”

 – Martin Luther

In case you couldn’t tell I really just hate Halloween. I don’t get the purpose other than it does give me an excuse to eat candy. But seriously if anyone could give me an answer as to why we wear costumes that would be great. Oh, sidebar, why are all female costumes hooker versions of everything? For example hooker firefighter, hooker cavewomen, hooker police woman? What is this business? Anyway I digress. Halloween is not my favorite holiday and I feel I’ve made that known.

On another note I beat my mother in a pie making contest. Perhaps that makes me as awesome as a 90-year-old woman. Do I care? No. I do not. Here is a picture:

Incredible no? I actually don’t know. I didn’t taste it. But it looks fancy, that’s all I was going for, surface level beauty. Man I’m great at pie!

In conclusion let’s all celebrate this Halloween by watching Luther and eating pie! Oh and lots and lots of candy.