Americans love celebrities. Sports stars, movie stars, singers, rodeo stars, NASCAR drivers, pretty much anyone with at least $1 million we LOVE them. They’re pretty much our favorite thing, well besides super-sizing things. We watch the Kardashian’s do absolutely nothing on TV while reading about the newest Bachelor’s heartbreak. We love to see celebrities doing everyday things. Some people even make a living off of photographing these everyday events (On a related note I’m becoming a paparazzi if I don’t get a job in the next month). Even better than seeing them at the grocery store in pictures? Seeing them in real life with your own eyes. People react differently to these experiences. Some sneakily take a photo and tweet it, others blatantly take a photo, while others ask for autographs.
I do none of those.
In a span of about 10 seconds I will have absolutely every one of these thoughts:
“Oh hey! THAT’S OLYMPIC HOCKEY PLAYER SIDNEY CROSBY OVER THERE BY THAT STARBUCKS!!!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD? WHY’S HE OVER THERE! WHAT’S HE DOING! Probably getting coffee I guess!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SIDNEY CROSBY! I NEED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THIS!!”
What I wish happened after this initial frantic thought:
“Hi Sidney Crosby”
“Hi, how’s it going?”
“Pretty good! How are you? It’s too bad about your concussion. You’re really good at hockey. I greatly enjoyed seeing you in the olympics winning gold for your native Canada.”
“Well thanks. What’s your name? I like you”
“Oh. *girly giggle* My name’s Amanda”
“Well Amanda, do you want to have some coffee with me and possibly get married?”
“Of course Sidney Crosby!”
What really happens:
“hey hey hey hey hey hey…..looook!!!!!!! loook! Sidney Crosby! Sidney Crosby. loooook!” (all said while whispering and hitting the closest person to me on the arm)
“I don’t know who that is.”
“Are you kidding me! He played for Canada in the oly…..AH HE’S LEAVING!! DANG IT!! You distracted me! Now I’ll never get to meet and/or marry Sidney Crosby.”
“You realize you would never have said anything to him anyway right?”
Then I spend the rest of the day dejected, compiling copious scenarios of how I should have handled myself and how next time I will speak to Sidney Crosby, knowing full well the exact same thing will happen EVERY TIME.
Obviously, if you’re looking for a really calm, cool, collected person to go celebrity spotting with I’m the best option….that is if you enjoy having a bruised shoulder and absolutely no proof you saw Johnny Depp at the local bakery.
- Sidney Crosby Injury Update: Pittsburgh Penguins Star To Travel, Skate On His Own (sbnation.com)
- Do You Ever Go Grocery Shopping Without Makeup? (bellasugar.com)