Daylight Savings Time? More Like “It’s All Germany’s Fault I Have To Reset My Clocks” Time!

Twice a year I have to spend minutes resetting all of the clocks in my possession. Which is only 3 but still, it’s an obnoxious task. And when I go to reset the clock in my car it leads me to question why there’s no am/pm on it. Then I remember that if I’m in my car, I probably know if it’s daytime or nighttime, therefore no am/pm setting is necessary. I don’t like to have that much thinking going through my head when I get in my car. I shouldn’t have to reset my clocks. I just shouldn’t.

If you’re anything like myself you’d like to know how this delightful little tradition of losing an hour of sleep every spring began. I got a little curious today and did some Wikipedia research. Turns out it all started with a guy we all know and love, named Benny Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin is hanging out in France and notices that they are using A LOT of candles so he decides to do something about it.

Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise! I should tell that to the French. all they do is use candles. If they went to bed earlier they would have to deal with as much darkness and then they wouldn’t be wasting SO MUCH FREAKING WAX! Wax is a delicacy why do those darn French not get this??

Excuse me! People of France! I’ve noticed you guys are using a lot of candles so I have a plan to keep you from doing this. First I’m going to ring the church bells REALLY loud and REALLY early in the morning, right as the sun is rising in the East. If you wake up as the sun comes up and go to bed when it goes down you get all the daylight joy and don’t have to use any candles!

Secondly I’m going to make you pay taxes if you have shutters. I don’t want you sleeping when the sun is in the sky. You need to be up and productive when the sun is up. That way you’ll be good and tired by nightfall and won’t need to use candles at all!

Third. You only get one candle a month. USE IT WISELY GUYS!

So obviously these ideas don’t go over well with anyone. They world hates Benny at this point for his terrible ideas. But the world does agree with Ben’s thoughts on making the most use out of the daylight hours. They aren’t real sure what to do, but they do know that ringing the bells really loud at churches is not the answers.

So then we fly over to New Zealand where George Vernon Hudson, a bug guy, is making a living as a shift worker.

I really enjoy collecting bugs but my darn job is getting in the way. I obviously need to make a living and collecting bugs does not earn my money so I have to keep this shift job. But I REALLY want to collect bugs! UGH! This is the worst! I need daylight hours after I get off work so I can collect my bugs! What am I going to do?? I KNOW! I’ll write a letter proposing a 2 hours time shift in order to best utilize the daylight hours!

Dear Wellington Philosophical Society,
Hello. My name is G.V. Hudson. I am an avid bug collector, but due to my humanity I need food to survive. No body wants to buy my bug collections so I am forced to work a shift job. It is dark when I go to work and dark when I come home from work. Do you know how difficult it is to catch bugs in the dark? It’s really, really hard. So that is why I’d like to propose a two hour time shift. In the fall move the time back 2 hours and in the spring forward 2 hours. Then I have daylight to catch my bugs! I think that this is a simply fabulous idea! Let me know what you think!
G.V. Hudson

That letter still didn’t really do much for conserving of the daylight hours. It wasn’t until Germany stepped in that changes were really made.

Germany WWI:
We need coal! But this silly war is using up all the coal we have. It’s really really cold here in our house. When it gets dark we need to use coal to war it up. BUT WE DON’T HAVE ANY COAL!! WE’RE GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH! IF ONLY WE WERE AWAKE DURING THE HOURS OF THE DAY WHEN THE SUN IS UP WE COULD SAVE OUR COAL DURING THE DAYLIGHT HOURS!!

Perhaps if we shifted the clocks a few hours we could make it where the sun is up during waking hours and dark when we’re sleeping. Then we can get the best use out of the warmth of the sun! GREAT PLAN. I will tell the world to also shift their clocks and everyone will obey us. BECAUSE WE’RE GERMANY!!

And that’s how it happened. The Germans were short on coal and they needed more sun warmth. So they changed our clocks. And therefore I blame Germany for forcing me to reset my clocks twice a year.

Quite frankly I’m tired of this daylight savings nonsense. I’m not participating this year. I might be late to everything, but hey, I’ll be making a stand. I don’t need that extra hour of sun anyways.