True Life: I’m an Average Human

Hey there MTV!

First let me start of by saying that I enjoy your programming. I won’t lie to you, I’m a little* ashamed of this. I’m a grown up. I’ve graduated from college and everything, yet I still find myself watching MTV all day long. I tune in to those crazy Jersey Shore kids. I watch those teen moms and their relationships that inevitably fall apart. And I definitely always choose a side on the Real World/Road Rules Challenges.

I must just be a sucker for reality programming. (but you don’t care, because I’m giving you my viewership) I have to tell you something though. I don’t think your shows are actually the ‘reality’ of most of the world. In fact I’d say most people aren’t tan and don’t spend all week drinking booze with short Oompa Loompa-like people named Snooki. I personally don’t know anyone who does that.

I’m calling your bluff MTV. That’s not reality. But don’t worry. I have a plan to help you save face. I’d like to offer myself to you as a reality program. We’ll call it True Life: I’m an Average Human. I’ve taken the time to write out a basic time-line of my day for you and it is pretty darn exciting!!

6:00-6:30 am: I wake up and work out with Bob Harper on DVD. You’ll see me with my morning hair and with my after workout glow. Then I shower.

6:30-7:30 am: I’ll eat my off-brand Special K Red Berries and make my coffee to go (butter toffee flavor with sugar-free vanilla caramel creamer and splenda)

8:30 am – 12:30 pm: You’ll go with me to work. You can watch me as I herd my class of nine 3 year-olds as if they were my tiny baby ducklings. We go outside and play on the playground, unless it’s raining, then we play freeze dance and go on bear hunts. We learn the ABC’s and talk about the weather. After that we make mostly paper plate based crafts and eat lunch. Then, wait for it, then it’s nap-time.

12:30 pm – 1:30 pm: This is when I go on my lunch break. I go back home and usually I eat a sandwich (turkey and cheddar) or a lean pocket (pepperoni pizza) while I watch reruns of Boy Meets World. Then I go back to work

1:30 pm – 5:45 pm: I try to keep the same nine 3 year-olds from killing each other as they play in the block center, home living center and do puzzles. That’s where the real drama is at. That will definitely pull in the viewers!

5:45 pm – 10:00 pm: When I get off work you can follow me back home, where I will eat dinner and catch up on my DVR. Sometimes though, when I’m feeling crazy, I’ll go to Target! I also sometimes pay bills and my student loans. Those are commonly referred to as “Wacky Wednesdays” or “Anything Goes Thursdays”

10:00 pm: I go to bed. And the next day we do the exact same thing again!

I tell you what. I would watch that show. I would. (but I would watch any reality show, that’s why I watch your shows)

I feel that I represent the life of the working class of America pretty darn well. I don’t have any friends with stupid nicknames, I don’t have a baby out of wedlock and I don’t get arrested ever, but it’s really real. It’s what I do every single day. That’s reality tv, MTV. It’s boring.

So, you know, if that story-line interests you at all, I’d be alright with you following me around for a few million dollars. (then we could change the name to True Life: I’m an Average Millionaire)

Let me know what you think! In the meantime I’ll be here waiting for the check to come in the mail.

*False. I’m a lot ashamed.

I’ve Been Told I Have a Lovely Blog….

I’m new to this whole blogging community thing. Turns out there’s a whole invisible, made up award competetion.  When you’re nominated for this made up award you have to participate appropriately. At least that’s the message I’m receiving.

So first I guess I’m supposed to thank the person who nominated me. It was this guy at The Life and Times of Nathan Badley. However, I’m almost positive he didn’t do it because he thinks my blog is lovely. I suspect it was solely to ruin my life, because I personally don’t even find my blog lovely and it belongs to me. If it were my child I would feel mediocre about it. So that’s probably bad, but thanks anyway badlandsbadley.

Now the rules of this invisible award say I have to come up with 7 interesting facts about myself. I don’t have any interesting facts about myself. But I’ll do my best.

1. I just watched the finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York. My main reason was to see Kim’s marriage fall apart. This makes me a horrible person. A really horrible person.

2. I just made some flat bread all by myself. I think I deserve another award for that.

3. I do really stupid things a lot. They mostly involve around watching MTV reality shows.

4. I’ve recently made it my personal mission to tweet to Warner Bros, the NBA, Blake Griffin, Lebron James and Muggsy Bogues every single day until I have convinced all of them to join forces and film a Space Jam sequel.

5. On a related note, badlandsbadley (the bum who nominated me and the sole reason I’m coming up with interesting facts) got tweeted at by Muggsy Bogues. I’m pretty much still writhing in jealousy about this.

6. I didn’t win a contest to get to design a mask for Pekka Rinne, the Nashville Predators goalie, and I’m probably just gonna go ahead and let it ruin the rest of my day.

7. One time I tripped and ripped a large hole in my leg on a pool table. I don’t know if that’s interesting but I think I’m probably the only person capable of such a thing.

Okay there’s 7 not really interesting facts, but I tried. I guess the last step in this nomination process is to send this fun little game to 10 others blogs. I’m not cool enough to have blog friends….so……..this is awkward. Um. I’ll just pull out a neat contest called “the first people to like this and/or comment get nominated” because….I don’t want to make anyone feel bad!….YA THAT’S IT. I don’t want to pick anyone because I don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt because I don’t think they’re blog is lovely. It has nothing to do with the fact that I have a serious lack of neat blog friends.

And now no one will like this, or comment and then, well, then I don’t know where we’ll be.