I’ll be honest guys, I don’t have a lot going on right now. I’m not using my college degree and I’m currently working at a job which I could have acquired with solely a high school diploma. Unless by some miracle, a multi-millionaire proposes marriage to me, I’m not exactly going to be raking in the bucks. And that’s why I’ve decided to become an entrepreneur/inventor.
I have many great ideas. First and foremost: NERF Furniture
Why is this not already a thing? Nerf is fantastic. Straight from wikipedia, “Nerf foam is made from a solid, spongy cellular material. To produce it, polyester resin reacts with another compound in the presence of CO2 from another reaction. It is this gas that creates open pockets within the polyurethane that, in turn, make the material soft and light.” Now, I’m not entirely sure about all those science words, but I do know that solid, spongy, soft, and light are the exact adjectives I want my couch to possess. Imagine, a couch that you can lift with one hand, yet when you sit upon it, it doesn’t sink in, but supports you while also providing a softness that only NERF can. Granted I broke my finger with a NERF football once, I still think it’s a great idea. I’ve even gone as far as to sketch out the pioneer NERF furnitures:
So, ya know, if any of you guys work for Hasbro, well, you know where to find me.
And my second, and possibly greatest idea is this:
Jágr’s Jágurt© , frozen yogurt with none other than one, Jaromír Jágr as the spokesman/face of the brand. Let’s be honest, the guy is not getting any younger. His hockey career is going to come to an end soon and he’s going to need something to do. That’s where I come in. He could have yogurt stores across the world. He’s Czechoslovakian, do they even have frozen yogurt in Czechoslovakia? No, they don’t. I looked into it and all they do is eat pork and drink beer. We* could bring fro-yo to central Europe. Europeans are very rich**, they will buy anything, especially a product with one of their own on the front. I would be an overnight millionaire and then my good pal, Jaromír would have money to help him survive post NHL stardom. Win-win situation for all.
I’m going to be completely honest, pretty much all of my energy is being focused upon making this a thing right now. If I could get Jaromir Jagr on my team, well, I might poop my pants with excitement.
So Jags, if you’re into fro-yo, you also know where to find me. (seriously though, why do you keep ignoring my tweets? I’m getting the feeling that you find me obnoxious. No one finds me obnoxious. So stop ignoring me.) Also don’t forget, I picked you as the June Dreamboat of the Month, no pressure or anything. If you decline on this offer don’t come whining to me when you’re 55 and out of money because I’ll probably have moved onto a much better idea like a can of dip called, Giroux Choux.***
*Jags and I, obviously.
**I’m obviously an ignorant American.
***I do not promote the use of chewing tobacco, mostly because it’s gross.