5 Reasons I Would Not Survive Being ‘Scared Straight’

I have a serious problem where I watch A&E shows way too much. Mostly because they make me feel a lot better about myself, as I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol. Nor have I ever been to prison. One of my worst guilty pleasures is watching Beyond Scared Straight. It terrifies me, yet I love it. I just can’t look away. However, it has occurred to me, I would immediately die of a stroke if I was on this show. I’m quivering in fear watching it, I can only imagine what would happen to me if I was actually wearing one of those lovely orange jumpsuits.

So for your viewing/reading pleasure I have given the top 5 reason why I would never make it through the filming of an episode of Beyond Scared Straight.

1. When the girl on the particular episode that I’m currently watching made a statement about her roach box, I thought she had a bug collection. Turns out she was referring to mara-ju-wana. They would eat me alive.

2. In the 22 minutes that I’ve been sitting here watching this show I’ve been ‘scared straight’ at least 5 times and my blood pressure has risen 100 points from the anxiety I’m experiencing through the television screen.

3. When the inmates started shouting things at me about being a loser and that I would be taken advantage of in prison, I would just immediately turn around and run. Or more likely curl up in a ball and weep uncontrollably.

4. Orange is not my color. My skin tone would look terrible in those jumpsuits. It seems like a moot point now, but it would cause me to lose my mind if I were being ‘scared straight’.

5. I love rules. I love following them, enforcing them, making them up for others. Rules are fantastic. Thus I would never be in a position where I would need to be scared straight.