Fine. I Admit It. I Have A Problem

It started simple enough, my junior year of college. Early morning classes brought about a need for caffeine so as to not pass out (As in fall asleep, not faint. Although I would not want to faint either) in class. If I passed out I would have hit my head on the table and probably bled. I did not want to be known as “falls asleep in class and splits her head open” girl. So I needed something to keep me awake. Pop/soda/coke (whatever you call it in your neck of the woods) did not seem to be a responsible choice for an adult to make. Energy drinks always made me fearful that my heart would just stop working. So I did the natural thing. I brewed myself a cup of coffee.

I would not recommend a coffee newbie that they start with a cup of black coffee, but that’s what I did and that first taste was absolutely terrible. So I did what any logical person would do. I added approximately 57 packets of splenda and 3 cups of creamer. And after I nearly choked to death, I decided that maybe there was something better out there than plain black Folgers from a can.

So I ventured to the massive coffee aisle at my local Price Chopper and do you know what? They make flavored coffees. They have so many flavors. Mocha, hazelnut, caramel, butter toffee, vanilla, pumpkin and even strawberry! They have strawberry coffee! My horizons expanded vastly that day. I had so many options for my morning coffee. Of course I was still adding those 57 splenda packets but I did cut back on the creamer a skosh, what with the flavor infused coffee beans and all.

Then something terrible happened. I had a cup of Starbucks coffee. It danced on my taste buds. It was like the angels came down and brewed that cup just for me. I don’t care who you are, they make a delicious coffee bean. Immediately I abandoned my nasty old Folgers and began spending small fortunes on tiny bags of over-priced coffee. They must put crack in that stuff, because I just kept buying it. At this point in my life, I was still a casual coffee drinker. A cup on an early morning, but that’s it. I didn’t have to have coffee in order to function. That is until my good pal Keurig came into my life.

I was gifted a Keurig coffee maker for Christmas 2 years ago. This was the worst gift I could have ever gotten. It has ruined me. They have all the delightful flavors of coffee in handy little cups! All I have to do is just place it in and I can have coffee at any desired moment. No more of that pesky scooping and using filters. It was a sinch! I didn’t even spill coffee grounds everywhere anymore. It’s probably the best invention ever. But because it was so easy I could just stick a k-cup in, brew some coffee and be on my way. It took no time at all, so I made a cup every morning, just because I could. This should have been the first sign of what was soon to come.

Because now…now it’s a full-blown problem. I cannot physically function without a cup of coffee in the morning. And I get that darn 2:30 feeling if I don’t have anohter around 1:00. And sometime I have an after dinner cup of coffee. like some sort of middle-aged woman.

I’m out of control. I have so much caffeine running through my system that I’m pretty sure I drive those around me insane and sometimes I even annoy myself. This a problem. I went from the girl who had never had a cup of coffee and couldn’t stand the taste, to the girl who gets the shakes if she doesn’t have one.

I”m ready to admit that I have a problem. I’m fully addicted to coffee. Is there some sort of support group for people like me? Coffee Addicts Annonymous? The CAA? It has to be a thing right? Because I think I need to go.

Welp, look at the time! I’ll see you guys later, it’s time for my evening cup of coconut mocha. Tastes just like an almond joy!



Meeting Celebrities With Amanda

Even Kardashians Buy Toilet Paper

Americans love celebrities. Sports stars, movie stars, singers, rodeo stars, NASCAR drivers, pretty much anyone with at least $1 million we LOVE them. They’re pretty much our favorite thing, well besides super-sizing things. We watch the Kardashian’s do absolutely nothing on TV while reading about the newest Bachelor’s heartbreak. We love to see celebrities doing everyday things. Some people even make a living off of photographing these everyday events (On a related note I’m becoming a paparazzi if I don’t get a job in the next month). Even better than seeing them at the grocery store in pictures? Seeing them in real life with your own eyes. People react differently to these experiences. Some sneakily take a photo and tweet it, others blatantly take a photo, while others ask for autographs.

I do none of those.

Lets say I’m walking around in downtown Nashville. I see Olympic gold-medalist Sidney Crosby getting a venti chai latte with soy at the local Starbucks.

Sidney Crosby, not at Starbucks

In a span of about 10 seconds I will have absolutely every one of these thoughts:


What I wish happened after this initial frantic thought:

“Hi Sidney Crosby”
“Hi, how’s it going?”
“Pretty good! How are you? It’s too bad about your concussion. You’re really good at hockey. I greatly enjoyed seeing you in the olympics winning gold for your native Canada.”
“Well thanks. What’s your name? I like you”
“Oh. *girly giggle* My name’s Amanda”
“Well Amanda, do you want to have some coffee with me and possibly get married?”
“Of course Sidney Crosby!” 

What really happens:

“hey hey hey hey hey hey…..looook!!!!!!! loook! Sidney Crosby! Sidney Crosby. loooook!”  (all  said while whispering and hitting the closest person to me on the arm)
“Sidney Crosby!!”
“I don’t know who that is.”
“Are you kidding me! He played for Canada in the oly…..AH HE’S LEAVING!! DANG IT!! You distracted me! Now I’ll never get to meet and/or marry Sidney Crosby.”
“You realize you would never have said anything to him anyway right?”

Then I spend the rest of the day dejected, compiling copious scenarios of how I should have handled myself and how next time I will speak to Sidney Crosby, knowing full well the exact same thing will happen EVERY TIME.

Obviously, if you’re looking for a really calm, cool, collected person to go celebrity spotting with I’m the best option….that is if you enjoy having a bruised shoulder and absolutely no proof you saw Johnny Depp at the local bakery.